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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30104655">A List of Standard Issue Regrets</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebelPaisley/pseuds/RebelPaisley'>RebelPaisley</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Your Body is a Wonderland [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Descendants (Disney Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adult Language, Beast Ben, Comedy, Complete, Confessions, Crew Dynamics, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Crossdressing, Dubious Consent, Dubious Consent because magic, Emotional Repression, Enchanted Underwear, F/F, F/M, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Internal Distancing Measures, Internalized Homophobia, Jay is a shit, Kinky Nonsense, Low Self-Esteem, M/M, Magic Orgy, Magic genitals, Mal-centric (Disney), Movie: Descendants (2015), Multi, No Beta we die like vikings, OT6, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamory, Praise Kink, Romance, Salty Mal, Sassmasters Abound, Sex Magic, Sexual Situations, Shared senses, Slash, Smut, Squishy Chad, The Isle didn’t encourage healthy coping mechanisms, Wonderland, Wonderland is chaos, expansion, feelings are hard, low sense of self-worth, magic mushroom, referenced abuse, sex shenanigans, slutshaming</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:33:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>32,472</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30104655</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebelPaisley/pseuds/RebelPaisley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Mal and Jay manage to get so lost they end up in Wonderland, Jay had the bright idea to take advantage of their misfortune by sneaking out one of the chaos land’s fabled magic mushrooms as a gift to Evie.  For reasons that do not need to be discussed, they realize there’s only one way to sneak the fungus out – and surprise of all surprises, the thing gets stuck in Mal.  Curse her very life. </p><p>Also, they manage to find Chad dipshit Charming in Wonderland too, dragging him along for their preposterously sexy ride while they try to cater to the whims of enchanted foliage.  It works out better than it probably should.</p><p>Also known as – That time magic greenery helped Mal figure out her feelings via stupid amounts of sex.  Jay thinks it’s awesome, Mal does not.  At first.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben/Chad Charming/Evie/Jay/Mal/Carlos de Vil, Ben/Mal (Disney: Descendants), Chad Charming/Jay/Mal, Chad Charming/Jay/Mal/Carlos de Vil, Chad Charming/Mal, Evie/Mal (Disney), Jay/Carlos de Vil, Jay/Mal (Disney), Mal/Carlos de Vil</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Your Body is a Wonderland [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2215191</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Enter Wonderland</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Notes: For the record, this story is stupid.  Like, straight up dumb sexy shenanigans that push the bounds of fun absurdity.  This entire series will be like that, exploring the depths of sex magic while also dealing with personal, emotional, and relationship issues because apparently I can’t write a story that doesn’t include those things.  So yes, there will be a lot of dumb intimate relations, but there will also be character and relationship development, because how could I not?  </p><p>Just – don’t ask me, man.  I don’t have any answers for you.  What follows is lunacy.  You have been warned. </p><p>GENERAL WARNING – Dubious Consent due to magic/peer pressure – There’s a lot of magical greenery making people’s lives more complicated in this story, which isn’t something they’re always looking for but they more or less resign themselves to it/aren’t traumatized by it.  There is also some dubious consent due to peer pressure, but again, it’s more like encouraging someone through their shyness, and isn’t close to non-con.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mal was pissed.</p><p>To be fair, Mal had every right to be pissed because her dipshit crewmate had thought it would be a wonderful idea to go on a fucking <em>adventure</em>. </p><p>It was supposed to be a simple field trip.  They had even been given the freedom to operate on their own in pairs.  They – as in <em>including</em> Mal and Jay – had been given that freedom to operate because the people of Auradon either super trusted Ben, or were just really fucking stupid, and Mal was leaning towards the second option. </p><p>It was a simple assignment.  They were backpacking through the woods – each team given their own path and a scavenger hunt of survivalist shit to locate and take pictures of because their history teacher just really wanted them to understand what it had been like living in the days of old Auradon.  Which was stupid, Mal already knew how much it sucked to operate without wifi or electricity or running water. Her entire crew was <em>intimately</em> <em>familiar</em> with the experience, and yet, they were still forced into the stupid project. </p><p>Mal didn’t even get the consolation that Evie and Carlos had to suffer this as well because those smart fucks had promptly tested out of the project by being smart little suck ups, so now Mal was stuck traipsing through the woods with Jay, and because she had promised Evie she wouldn’t use her magic to get them through this shit, they had to do things the old-fashioned way.</p><p>Fun fact: without magic, Mal and Jay were fucking terrible explorers. </p><p>Second fun fact: the harmless forest they were supposed to be wandering through just happened to run along the border of Wonderland. </p><p>Mal’s mother had warned her about Wonderland.  While it was a place of magic and infinite possibilities, it was just also a place where chaos reigned supreme, and not in the fun someone-occasionally-loses-an-eye way.  No, this was more in a ‘take a left turn and you have a fifty percent chance of actually <em>going</em> left’ way.  The irritating kind of chaos. </p><p>Her mom had warned her away from Wonderland.  The teachers at Auradon Prep had warned them away from Wonderland.  Fucking <em>Fairy Godmother</em>, in that perky voice of hers, had warned them away from Wonderland, had said that on the very infinitesimal chance that any of them happened to come to its border (with the implication that if they did, they were super lost), they were to under no circumstances <em>cross it</em>. </p><p>Tracking people – either technologically or magically – was all but impossible in Wonderland.  Time passed differently there; basic understandings of the universe worked differently there.  It was not a place to be fucked with.</p><p>Jay knew the warnings same as Mal.  He knew they were lost, he knew where they shouldn’t go, but he looked at that deceptively cheerful-looking fence and lit up like a damn firework, because-</p><p>“Wonderland Mushrooms!” he chirped, practically vibrating in place. “There’s like twelve potions Evie wants to try from her mom’s book but she can’t do them without Wonderland Mushrooms and Wonderland is <em>right there</em>, Mal.”</p><p>“No,” Mal said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “If you want to get off Evie’s shit list, you have to do the same as the rest of us and grovel at her feet, shower her with praises, act as her servant, and rub her damn shoulders.  There is a system, Jay.  Why are you fucking with the system?”</p><p>Mal was actually pleased that she wasn’t the one on Evie’s bad side for once, because it was always awkward when she, the leader, had to bend over backwards for the sake of her princess’ feelings.  Like, she’d do it, and do it happily because Evie was one of the most useful people on her crew and keeping her happy was in Mal’s best interest, but there was still a point of pride that her inner dragon needed acknowledged. </p><p>Thankfully, this week Jay had tested the limits of how much he could flirt with other people and managed to upset the generally easy-going Evie (on the outside, on the inside she was a princess who’d been isolated for ten years who was afraid of losing the people she cared about most in the world, so she was finicking about that shit), so now it was him that should be acting as the princess’s gopher and doting her with compliments and shit.</p><p>“I’m just saying,” Jay pressed. “This is better than that stuff.  This will feed her intellectual curiosity.  You know she loves science, Mal.” As little as the rest of the world seemed to get that. “This is <em>chemistry</em>.  If she can break down the components and synthesize a clone-”</p><p>“She can’t,” Mal huffed, stamping her foot. “Because the magic ingredient to anything from Wonderland is chaos.  You know that, Jay.  Why are we having this argument?”</p><p>“Because Evie deserves the right to try,” he pressed. “She deserves to have her academic curiosity supported, and how do you expect me to look her in the face and say we didn’t help her when Wonderland is literally like ten feet away?”</p><p>“Because we have basic self-preservation instincts?” Mal countered. “Literally everyone has told us to stay away from that place.  It isn’t meant for us.  Wonderland is for crazy Wonderland people.  <em>The end</em>.  Those are the only ones who can survive there-” </p><p>“I’m going,” Jay declared, opting for the one and only tactic he could use to successfully win an argument with Mal by just <em>doing the thing</em> anyway.</p><p>Mal honestly considered letting him go on his own.  He was a stupid shit, but Jay had some sense of self preservation. He would probably be fine.  Mal could just wait for him out here.</p><p>But then she thought about what would happen if he <em>wasn’t</em> fine, about how he could trip on a rock and end up twenty miles away or some shit because it was Wonderland, and with a resigned sigh, she followed her stupid, dipshit, idiot crewmate. </p><p>“We’ll be in and out,” Jay chirped, grinning widely when she caught up to him because he knew she was a sucker. “Real quick.  It will take ten minutes, tops.”</p><p>Mal was pretty sure that comment alone would make it take ten hours, but she didn’t want to voice as much for fear of giving Wonderland ideas. </p><p>“See?” Jay said as they neared what seemed to be a white picket fence that separated the colorful, cotton candy land from their normal forest. “All we have to do is jump right over-”</p><p>“I think not,” an irritated voice said, and between one blink and the next, the stupid picket fence was replaced with a colorful twenty-foot wall, a bright gate centered in the middle of it, and in the middle of <em>that-</em></p><p>A doorknob.  A fucking talking doorknob.</p><p>“You will go <em>through</em> the gate,” the doorknob said. “Just like everyone else.”</p><p>“Oh.” Jay blinked. “Sorry, man.  My bad.”</p><p>“Yes, indeed,” the doorknob sniffed. “Now, state your business.”</p><p>“We um… just wanted to look at the mushrooms,” Jay said. “We’ve heard some pretty um- interesting things about them.”</p><p>“<em>Hmmm</em>.” The stupid fucking doorknob thought this over. “So long as you only look,” the doorknob said. “All magical produce must stay within the confines of Wonderland.  You will, of course, be searched on your way out, but otherwise…” The gate swung open. “Have fun.”</p><p>Jay, despite hearing a very reasonable warning, grinned brightly. “Thank you!” he cheered, dragging Mal in before she could ask if he was <em>out of his mind</em>, because she already knew the answer to that question.</p><p>“This is fucking stupid,” Mal said as the gate shut behind them, her eyes squinting at the brightly colored world around them. “You’re not going to be able to get anything out, stupid.”</p><p>“Not with that attitude,” Jay said, practically bouncing his way down the bright, yellow path.  “We’ll just have to hide it where they won’t look.”</p><p>“They’re going to look everywhere,” Mal said.  “Or maybe in just the least convenient place, or we’ll go back up the path and the door won’t be there anymore, or-”</p><p>A breeze, and Mal felt wind fluttering against her bare thighs, only she had been wearing pants five seconds ago so what the <em>fuck</em> was that about.</p><p>Mal looked down, and realized that her outfit had entirely changed about the same time Jay recognized the same fact, and she had maybe about two seconds to hate the world before Jay bust out laughing.</p><p>“You look like Alice,” he chortled somewhat helplessly. “Except like, <em>sexy</em> Alice.  And your dress is purple-”</p><p>“I can note the differences, <em>thanks</em>,” Mal snapped, smoothing down the very short skirt of her new dress. </p><p>Fucking stupid. This was fucking stupid.  Of course Wonderland couldn’t punish Jay, the imbecile that had brought them here.  It had to go after Mal, who knew better and came anyway. </p><p>Her clothes – handmade Evie originals that were now lost to <em>who knows where</em> – had been replaced with a dress similar to the hero of Wonderland.  It was purple and silky, with a white apron fastened over top of it, and the dumb skirt puffed out because there was a <em>petticoat.</em>  For whatever reason, Mal had been given white, thigh high stockings to go with her black, stupid heels, and the entire outfit was so entirely unpractical she wanted to scream.</p><p>“Hey,” Jay said, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “Did it change your underwear too?”</p><p>Before she could snarl at him (some more) he flipped up the bottom of her skirt, confirming that her practical boy shorts had been replaced with silky, ruffled panties.  The kind Evie would definitely love but Mal definitely hated-</p><p>“<em>Wow</em>,” Jay said, staring like the dumbass he was.</p><p>Mal punched his bicep, making him flinch. “<em>Focus</em>,” she hissed. “Let’s get your stupid shit so we can get out of here.”</p><p>“And hey, we’re in luck,” Jay said, motioning to a clearing just off the path. “I think I see some.”</p><p>“<em>Great</em>,” Mal hissed, stomping her way off onto the grass, Jay following half a step behind her. </p><p>Wonderland Mushrooms were tall, skinny things.  They had a bulbed head, and wouldn’t look much different than other mushrooms were they not a pale, mint green color. </p><p>“Awesome,” Jay whispered, the word almost a cackle. “Evie’s gonna be so fucking happy.”</p><p>“I can’t imagine how,” Mal drawled. “Since we won’t be able to get anything out of here.”</p><p>“Yeah, <em>about</em> that,” Jay said, shooting Mal a wry grin. “I have an idea.”</p><p>“No,” Mal snapped.</p><p>“You don’t even know what it is!”</p><p>“<em>No</em>,” she repeated stubbornly. “I know what you want me to do, and it’s not fucking happening.”</p><p>“<em>Mal</em>,” Jay whined.</p><p>“If you want it so badly, why don’t you just shove one up your ass and be done with it?” Mal hissed.</p><p>“I will,” Jay said, which took Mal by surprise. “But if they, you know, look there, I figured we could double our odds-”</p><p>“I’m not shoving a mushroom up my <em>vagina</em>,” Mal snapped, angered by the mere implication. </p><p>Mal… liked Evie. She liked Evie a lot.  She even liked Jay, despite the fact that he was a giant fucking idiot, and sometimes she marveled at the fact that Carlos put up with them – but she did not want to put an object of chaotic origin into her genitals. </p><p>That was the beginning of a Wonderland horror story if she ever heard one. </p><p>“Fine,” Jay sighed, wandering closer to the mushroom grove.  “Then <em>I’ll</em> be the one who gets all the credit for making Evie super happy.  Now.” He deftly undid his pants, shoving them and his underwear down in one smooth movement. “Could you prep me?”</p><p>He shot her a wink, shaking his ass in a way he knew she couldn’t help but find endearing, and with a sigh, Mal crossed to him, nudging her fingers between his cheeks.</p><p>“<em>Make him loose, make him stretch, take this boy, make him wet</em>,” she chanted, savoring the tight gasp that followed. </p><p>Sex magic was one of the things that Mal had discovered accidentally upon reaching Auradon, and Jay lived for it.  He was there for fast-tracked anal preparations, which made their ‘stress relief’ sessions all the more streamlined. </p><p>Mal and Jay had an <em>arrangement</em> they’d been taking advantage of for the past few years.  It only got better when they were in Auradon and had access to things like doors with locks and lube and beds.  It helped them learn that Jay enjoyed taking it up the ass from Mal every now and then. </p><p>This was sort of like that, but with mushrooms.</p><p>Yeah, Mal’s life was stupid. </p><p>“<em>Yes</em>,” Jay groaned, his hips twitching reflexively. “Alright, let’s slide one of these bad boys in and get out of here.”</p><p>“For the record,” Mal said, snatching up one of the bigger mushrooms before she angled it between Jay’s cheeks. “This is stupid, and you are stupid.”</p><p>“<em>I</em>, am brilliant,” Jay countered with a sniff, which was debatable on a good day, and an absolute lie in this moment.</p><p>Still, Mal let him have his fun because he was a good crewmate and her pets deserved to be indulged on occasion.  </p><p>“Okay,” Mal said, nudging the mushroom forward. “I’m easing it-”</p><p>She cut off when the head of the mushroom seemed to fan out, refusing to um- easily slide into Jay.</p><p>“What the hell?” Jay asked, stretching to look over his shoulder. “What’s it doing?”</p><p>“Revolting,” Mal grumbled, flipping the mushroom the other way around.  “Let me just-”</p><p>The butt of the mushroom expanded, both sides seeming quite determined <em>not</em> to go into Jay.</p><p>“Welp,” Mal said, tossing the mushroom aside as she dragged Jay’s clothes back into their proper positions.  “Can’t say we didn’t try.”</p><p>“<em>Mal</em>,” Jay whined, giving her a wounded look as he rezipped his fly. “Come on, there has to be another way.”</p><p>“There isn’t,” Mal sniffed. “Now let’s go-”</p><p>“Obviously Wonderland likes you,” Jay decided. “I mean, it gave you a new outfit-”</p><p>“A stupid outfit,” Mal grumbled.</p><p>“So maybe the mushrooms will be okay with you.”</p><p>“But we will never know,” Mal sniffed. “Because we are leaving.”</p><p>“Magic fingers!” Jay cheered, nudging a glowing hand under Mal’s skirt until he stroked the front of her panties.</p><p>“Jay, you <em>motherfucker!</em>” Mal hissed as her legs collapsed under her, an explosion of arousal shooting up her core.  Instantly, she could feel herself drench the stupid ruffled panties, could feel herself twitch and shake like she’d gone ten rounds with Jay’s hands because sex magic was like the <em>first</em> <em>thing</em> Jay had taught himself once he realized it was a possibility, because if he had to be a sorcerer, he wanted to be ‘a good one’. </p><p>“You know you like it,” Jay chirped, entirely correct but also entirely <em>stupid</em> as he pushed the stupid short skirt up, one finger hooking around the dumb panties. “Look, I promise I’ll make it up to you.  All the stuff we normally do for Evie?  I’ll do it for you.  I’ll be your art supplies gopher and rub your feet and tell you how wonderfully evil you are and pleasure you however you want, but I think this could be a really nice thing-”</p><p>“Fucking sweet evil,” Mal hissed. “Just put the stupid mushroom inside me already.”</p><p>“Thank you, Mal!” Jay chirped, happily dragging Mal’s panties down and urging her legs wide. </p><p>“I fucking hate you,” Mal muttered as he lazily pleasured her, his fingers slipping in with absolutely no resistance as he toyed with her clit. </p><p>“I love you too, Mal,” Jay joked, plucking up a new mushroom and brushing the dirt off before he eased it between her legs.  Unlike last time, it didn’t puff up, sliding easily into Mal’s wet folds. “When this is over, I’m gonna eat you out so good.”</p><p>“You um- better do more than <em>that</em>,” Mal hissed, trying not to moan because like fuck was she going to get turned on by a <em>mushroom</em>. </p><p>Despite being squishy and soft, it felt substantial within her, brushing against her walls in a tantalizing tease until at last Jay finished nudging the rest of it inside. </p><p><em>Ugh</em>.  So stupid.  Mal’s mom was right, personal attachments did make her an idiot.</p><p>“Thanks, Mal,” Jay said, giving her clit a few careful strokes before he pulled her panties back into place.  “Think you’re up for walking?”</p><p>“I gonna fucking walk, that’s for sure,” Mal grumbled as she made herself sit up, swallowing a gasp when the mushroom shifted inside her. “The faster we get out of here-”</p><p>“The happier you’ll be,” Jay said, helping her back to her feet. “Do you want me to carry you?”</p><p>“I can <em>walk</em>,” Mal snapped instead of saying yes, because pride was stupid but very much a fault of hers.</p><p>She was the leader; she wasn’t going to let herself get taken out by a mushroom.  Not even a Wonderland Mushroom. </p><p>The first problem came when they got back on the path, the two of them turning back the way they came only to see that the giant wall that had been just behind them earlier was now completely gone.</p><p>“Mother<em>fucker</em>,” Mal snapped, the mushroom seeming to pulse in her almost tauntingly. “I fucking told you, Jay.  I told you Wonderland was screwy.”</p><p>“Hey, it’s fine,” Jay said, playing it cool because even when he was panicking, his training refused to allow him to acknowledge it. “It’s probably just a little bit further than before.  We’ll just keep walking this way.”</p><p>“Sure,” Mal huffed, wondering if this was where she’d die.  Was this going to be her triumphant life in Auradon?  Lost, wandering Wonderland with her least-intelligent lackey?  And sure, the sex would be great and they could fight off anything that came their way but Carlos and Evie were counting on them and Mal hated letting down her crewmates. </p><p>That was Uma-level shit, not <em>Mal</em> shit. </p><p>She bitterly thought about their next steps when they got on the other side of the wall.  Step one, get the mushroom out.  Step two, punch Jay in the thigh where no one could see the bruise.  Step three, give up on the scavenger hunt bullshit thing and break Evie’s rule so they wouldn’t spend the rest of their lives lost in the woods.  Step four, eat lunch at the air-conditioned retreat facility they were supposed to meet up at.  Step five, share a shower with Jay, make him pay up on some of the shit he owed her.</p><p>It was a nice list.  Neat, practical.</p><p>Now if only they could get out of Wonderland. </p><p>“You doing okay?” Jay asked about five minutes into their walk. “Is the… you know-”</p><p>“It’s <em>fine</em>,” Mal snapped, like she didn’t spend most of her energy trying to ignore it and failing to ignore it and clutching around it when it seemed to pulse like a fucking tease. </p><p>Over the past few minutes it seemed to be getting slightly bigger, though not enough that it was a problem, really.  If anything, it made things um- feel better.  Mal hadn’t noticed it at first because she’d attributed the stimulation to the natural rhythm of walking, but eight minutes in and yeah, it was definitely growing.</p><p>“If that wall doesn’t come into view soon, we’re gonna have to take it out,” Mal decided. “We can’t risk-”</p><p>She cut herself off with a gasp, because apparently the mushroom didn’t like that idea.</p><p>“What?” Jay asked, immediately alarmed when she drew to a halt. “What is it?”</p><p>“It’s um- fucking <em>growing</em>,” Mal said, whining at the delicious stretch.  “It-” Her eyes went wide. “<em>Fuck</em>, it’s um- growing back out of me.”</p><p>“It is?” Jay said, dropping to his knees like he wanted to get a first-person view. </p><p>“J-Jay,” Mal tried to warn, but her body- everything felt weird.  She felt too hot and too good and too tight and the mushroom wasn’t falling out of her, it was growing, pushing against the fabric of her panties before it curled up, pressing against her clit.</p><p>“Oh, wow,” Jay said, nudging her skirt up to get a better view. “Hey, it’s like you’ve got a mushroom erection.”</p><p>“<em>Jay</em>,” Mal hissed, pulling the skirt up so she could see for herself. “This isn’t funny.”</p><p>It actually kind of was, because Jay was right, it did look like she had a dick straining against her panties, a mushroom dick, and it was almost like she could feel the soft material of the underwear against the mushroom, could feel it shudder and shake-</p><p>“Jay…” she said, her eyes going wide. “I um- I think- I think the mushroom’s transmitting sensations to me.”</p><p>“What?” Jay asked, tearing his gaze off her panties long enough to shoot her a strange look. “Like…”</p><p>He reached up, stroking the front of the panties where the mushroom was bulging, and Mal moaned, the movement shooting through her like a bolt of electricity.</p><p>“Holy fuck,” Jay said, watching her flustered expression. “You have a mushroom dick.”</p><p>“E-Explains why it wouldn’t um- go in you,” she huffed. “Now let’s get it out- <em>ah</em>-”</p><p>She cut off with a croon when the mushroom pulsed again, getting <em>bigger</em>, the panties seeming to stretch around it until she had a terrible bulge between her legs. </p><p>“Fuck, fuck, fuck-” she huffed, pressing her hands against her crotch.  The contact didn’t help.  If anything, she wanted to rut into it, found herself doing just that, grinding and whimpering at the sensations transmitted to her from the mushrooms, that conflicting with the slide of it inside her.  “<em>Fuck</em>, Jay-”</p><p>“Hey, um- <em>why don’t we leave it in</em>?” Jay said, nice and loud like Wonderland was eavesdropping on them. “Because um- obviously <em>that</em> is where it belongs now-”</p><p>“I fucking hate you,” Mal said, her hand seeming to move on its own.  “I have a mushroom dick-”</p><p>“Maybe you can fuck me with it?” Jay offered, likely still wet from the spell Mal had cast earlier. “I um- I totally wouldn’t mind-”</p><p>“<em>It fucking would</em>,” Mal hissed as the mushroom stretched <em>inside</em> her.  She risked moving her hands away and groaned, the stupid mushrooms making a lump underneath the short skirt that definitely looked like a dumb fucking erection.  “Jay-”</p><p>“Let’s keep walking!” Jay offered. “Or I could carry you-”</p><p>“I’m not <em>that</em> desperate,” Mal snapped, stomping into the unknown.</p><p>Two minutes later, Jay started carrying her.  Just- the feel of friction and the input from the mushroom and everything was so sensitive and she could <em>feel</em> the slick smearing down her legs, the dumb panties soaked through and clinging to her dumb mushroom that seemed to revel in that. </p><p>“Maybe if we exposed it to the sun, it would shrink?” Jay offered.</p><p>“Or it would grow,” Mal huffed. “And without anything to hold it back-”</p><p>“Assuming it’s playing by our rules,” Jay said. “And I don’t think it is.”</p><p>“I hate everything,” Mal declared.</p><p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p><p>Ten minutes later, they still hadn’t found the wall.</p><p>They did, however, find Chad fucking Charming.</p><p>“Oh no,” the blond said, looking them over with an expression of concern. “Aw man, our routes weren’t even close to each other.”</p><p>“You got lost too?” Jay asked, holding Mal closer to him.</p><p>“Yeah…” Chad sighed in that awkward way of his that made Mal wonder how anyone could think he was charming.  “Sort of.  My partner, Fritz, he um- he decided to go on without me.”</p><p>“Oh sweet evil,” Mal huffed. “He ditched you because you’re annoying, didn’t he?”</p><p>Chad flushed bright red. “Um… <em>maybe</em>,” he allowed, then looked them over again. “Is Mal okay?”</p><p>“I’m fucking great,” she snarled. “I’ll be better once we get out of Wonderland.”</p><p>“We’re in Wonderland?” Chad asked, looking around with wide eyes. “Oh no.  Aw, man.  Aw, geez.”</p><p>“See?” Mal hissed, aiming a glare at Jay. “Even Chad knows this place sucks.”</p><p>“This place is bad for us,” Chad said, looking around frantically. “My grandpa always threatened to send me here so I could wander for all eternity if I didn’t shut up and stay out of the way and now I’m here anyway, <em>oh no</em>.”</p><p>“Your grandpa sounds like an asshole,” Mal muttered while Jay just sort of tensed. “Whatever, just- calm down.  We’re gonna get out of here and we’re not going to tell anyone about this and things will be fine.”</p><p>“O-Okay,” Chad said, shifting closer to them. “Um- is it okay if I stay with you guys?”</p><p>When he asked so pitifully, it was hard for Mal to say no.</p><p>“<em>Fine</em>,” she said, and then they were off again. </p><p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p><p>Here was the thing about Chad Charming.</p><p>The mushroom seemed to like him.  <em>A lot</em>. </p><p>Every time Mal accidentally glanced at him it would pulse, shake against her panties and scrape against her insides.  It would send a pointed thrill against her clit until her legs flexed, and she worried about the bulge under her skirt becoming more prominent, worried Chad might see it.  </p><p>She could already feel herself leaking around the damn thing, knew it was wet and slick and threatened to stain her petticoats.  It made her hate everything, but despite that she couldn’t stop looking at Chad’s dumb face – Chad, a prince that seemed so desperately glad to see them, who had been wandering alone for who knew how long and was happy to be near them now that Ben seemed to declare they were good or whatever. </p><p>Ugh.  <em>Ugh</em>.  She could feel the mushroom get bigger.  She had visions of shoving it between those dumb pink lips and watching him suck on it. </p><p>Stupid Jay’s stupid hornyness must be rubbing off on her. </p><p>About half an hour into their walk (and a lot of internal snarling on Mal’s part), Jay drew them to a halt.  When Mal managed the effort to open her eyes, it was to find a giant fucking house in the middle of the path.</p><p>On the bright side, there was a sign hung above the door that said ‘EXIT’ in big, unmistakable letters.</p><p>“Um…” Chad said, shifting uneasily. “I guess this is the way out.”</p><p>“Great,” Mal gasped. “Awesome.  Let’s go.”</p><p>“Um,” Jay said, staring at the door. “It’s locked.”</p><p>“Then fucking <em>pick the lock</em>,” Mal snapped. </p><p>Did she have to think of everything?</p><p>“I’m not <em>that</em> kind of door,” a new voice said, and yes, of course, there was another damn doorknob. “I only accept one kind of key.” The doorknob’s gaze drifted over to Jay. “And I think yours will do nicely.”</p><p>The implications of the statement just sort of hung there.</p><p>“…what?” Jay asked, his cheeks heating in a furious blush. </p><p>“Your key?” the doorknob said. “I’m waiting.”</p><p>“Of course this place is as horny as you are,” Mal sniffed. “Just put me down and get on with it.”</p><p>“<em>Um</em>.” Jay paused, but didn’t fight Mal when she moved to stand, which wasn’t super great because the bulge was obvious but thankfully Chad was more distracted by Jay’s standoff with the doorknob. “I um… I don’t think-” </p><p>“Get it out, would you?” the doorknob asked. “I’m waiting.”</p><p>With that, it opened its mouth wide, giving Jay an expectant look.</p><p>“Well?” Mal hissed. “This is for Evie, isn’t it?”</p><p>“We tell <em>no one</em> about this,” Jay urged, pulling himself out of his clothes with a blush, making Chad squeak. “Seriously, Mal-”</p><p>“I won’t tell if you won’t,” Mal said, even though Carlos would find this hilarious. </p><p>That seemed to be enough for Jay, who reluctantly eased his dick into the doorknob’s mouth because this was their life now.</p><p>“There,” Jay said, the epitome of awkward. “Now can we-” He broke off with a heavy moan because of course it wasn’t over, <em>of course</em> the doorknob started sucking him off, bobbing its dumb, magical head while Jay sort of hopelessly panted against the door, his hips moving in small, needy movements. “Oh, fuck- I- <em>fuck</em>.”</p><p>“Oh, wow,” Chad said, seeming dumbstruck.  And then when he realized he was essentially watching Jay get a blowjob, he turned bright red.  “Sorry.”</p><p>“You can look,” Mal said, wavering in place.  Her legs felt shaky, and the vision Jay presented wasn’t really helping with her situation. “He won’t mind.”</p><p>“Still,” Chad said, staring at the ground. “Um- are you okay?”</p><p>He offered a tentative arm to help her stand, and on a normal day Mal would snarl at it, would bat it away and maybe cuss him out, but now they were in Wonderland, and Mal saw that offered arm as an invitation to plaster herself against Chad’s side.</p><p>The prince was not prepared for this, staring at her with wide startled eyes while Mal – a person who never willingly got close to anyone outside her crew – willingly got close to him. </p><p>“<em>Shit</em>,” Mal hissed, her body seeming to revel in the heat of another person.  That combined with Jay’s moaning combined with Chad being right there made her <em>pulse</em>. </p><p>She cut off with a croon, the stupid fucking mushroom surging again.  She felt it strain against the panties before it poked over the waistband, nestled in the petticoat until it was pushing <em>that</em> aside too, until-</p><p>“<em>Um-</em>” Chad said as her skirt tented out of the way, revealing the glistening mushroom head. “What um- is that?”</p><p>“<em>Wonderland magic</em>,” Mal hissed, groaning at the feel of warm air against her genitals. </p><p>Except it wasn’t her genitals, it was a mushroom, it just felt like- <em>fuck</em>- she felt exposed even though she wasn’t and with Chad staring at her like that she didn’t know what to do.  She was pretty sure moaning wasn’t the correct response, but that was what she ended up doing. </p><p>“<strong><em>Um</em></strong>.” Chad stared, couldn’t seem to help it, couldn’t miss the way the mushroom was poking <em>out of her panties</em> and was ludicrously wet and-</p><p>“Just touch it,” Mal snapped, grabbing his hand and shoving it against the mushroom.</p><p>Pleasure seemed to explode behind her eyelids, the first feel of direct contact against the stupid mushroom making her shake. </p><p>“Oh, oh, <em>please</em>,” Mal gasped against Chad’s throat. “Just-”</p><p>“Like this?” Chad asked, one arm wrapped around her waist while the other pumped the stupid mushroom up and down, the sensations transferred directly to Mal’s brain. </p><p>“Yes, <em>yes</em>, like that,” Mal breathed. “Just like that, baby.”</p><p>“Okay,” Chad squeaked, but did as he was told.</p><p>“Mal,” Jay said, his voice strangled as he looked over his shoulder. “<em>Fuck</em>.”</p><p>Yeah, that summarized the situation pretty well. </p><p>What a life.  Jay was getting a blowjob from a magic doorknob, Mal was getting a mushroom handjob from <em>Chad Charming </em>and Chad was actually giving it to her because apparently he crumpled under peer pressure, which actually explained a lot about him. </p><p>“I’m gonna-” Jay gasped. “Mal, I’m gonna-”</p><p>Wonderland magic.  Chaos magic.  Laws of chance and bended spontaneity, whatever it was, Mal and Jay fell apart at the same time.  She saw his back arch into the doorknob, felt <em>herself</em> flood around the mushroom, and then-</p><p>White slick seemed to burst from the tip of the mushroom, taking Chad by surprise at is coated his clothes. </p><p>“<em>Keep going</em>,” Mal growled, riding the conflicting waves of her arousal, and Chad did, pumping the dumb mushroom for all its worth.  It took Mal a few seconds to realize while he did so, it was shrinking.  She could feel it getting smaller in his hand, gasped when his fingers felt so <em>large</em> as he pumped her up and down until his hand was easing into her panties, setting the spent mushroom back against her.</p><p>“Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow,” Chad was saying, pressing her skirt back into place. “Um- sorry-”</p><p>“Just get inside,” Jay snapped, and then he was dragging them inside the house before the door decided to shut again. </p><p>They were, naturally, released into a bedroom.  It was a nice bedroom – worthy of a prince like Chad – but it didn’t seem to have any windows.  Just half dozen doors that led to who knew where. </p><p>“Um…” Chad said, looking down at his clothing.  He was likely staring at the stains Mal had left behind, but Mal was more focused on the semi he was packing between his legs. “Do you think there’s a bathroom?” he asked. “Or a change of clothes-”</p><p>Mal could have told him it was a bad idea, but Chad hadn’t even realized he was in Wonderland so maybe the past five minutes had been the kookiest shit he’d encountered so far. </p><p>That said, it was kind of funny to see him standing there in his usual preppy clothes one second, and then in his own Alice in Wonderland dress the next.</p><p>At least his was blue.  It brought out his eyes.</p><p>“<em>What?!</em>” Chad squeaked, staring down at his outfit.  He also had thigh high stockings.  Mal bet if they looked under his skirt, he’d be wearing panties too.  “I can’t wear a <em>dress.</em>”</p><p>The dress vanished, confirming the fact that he was, indeed, wearing panties – leaving him standing there half naked in ruffled underwear, thigh highs, and heels for a stupefied second before a lacy bralet materialized on his torso, followed by a flowing robe and garter belt-</p><p>“Oh, hey- I’ll take the dress,” Chad murmured, horribly flustered. “I don’t mind, the dress was great.  I’m so sorry-”</p><p>The dress returned, but the skirt was significantly shorter, so much so that Mal could see the ruffled panties if Chad bent over just slightly, his golden cheeks visible like some kind of tease.</p><p>“Aw, man,” Chad said, blushing horribly. “Um… we’re also not going to tell people about this, right?”</p><p>“Yes,” Mal sighed. “What happens in Wonderland stays in Wonderland.”</p><p>“I have never understood that phrase until now,” Chad admitted, trying to push down his skirt and making the back of it pop up. “So um… now what do we do?”</p><p>“One of these has to be the exit,” Jay said, his clothes righted and cheeks seeming dusted in a permanent flush, though Mal wasn’t sure if that was because of Mal or if it was because of Chad. “We just need to find it.”</p><p>“How?” Chad asked. “There aren’t any more signs.”</p><p>“Maybe we just need to ask?” Jay tried. “Hey um, doorknobs, do any of you lead to the exit?”</p><p>There was a strained silence where they realized that <em>of course</em> the moment they needed a talking fucking doorknob was the moment they wouldn’t get one.</p><p>“Aw, man,” Chad murmured. “Should we just start trying them?  See if any lead to the forest?”</p><p>“It’s probably our best bet,” Mal sighed. “It’s not like we can science our way through this.”</p><p>Because basic laws of physics and shit didn’t work here.</p><p>“Right,” Jay sighed.</p><p>“So um…” Chad wandered over to a random door. “How about this one?”</p><p>“Fine by me,” Mal said, motioning for Jay to follow her. “What are the odds that we guess right one the first-”</p><p>Chad opened the door and gravity seemed to flip, the door becoming <em>down</em> while the ground slipped out from underneath them until all three of them were tumbling through the open door.</p><p>“Fucking <em>damnit</em>,” Mal hissed, glaring at the dark tunnel they were falling through. “I can’t believe we’re gonna fucking die like this.”</p><p>“No we’re not, because Alice didn’t die,” Chad was chanting. “Come on, <em>please</em>-”</p><p>At the last second, they seemed to slow down – not in a feather fall, but enough to make their subsequent landings not hurt.  Mal and Jay ended up on a couch of some kind, while Chad-</p><p>He crashed on top of a desk, legs wide and skirt fluttering around him as he tried to get a better feel for their surroundings.</p><p>Jay blinked. “Is this…?”</p><p>“<em>Ben?</em>” Chad squeaked, because yeah, this was Ben’s office, and that was Ben sitting behind his desk, wearing his dumb reading glasses and looking up at Chad, who was very much settled before him like some sort of promise.</p><p>“Oh, hey Chad!” Ben – Wonderland Ben – greeted. “Did you need something from me?”</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Chad gasped, not seeming to get that this wasn’t actually Ben, because Ben wouldn’t be stupid enough to get lost in Wonderland. </p><p>Wonderland Ben chuckled at the blond prince like he said something funny.  “This is my office Chad.  I was working.” He sounded as good natured and stupidly helpful as their Ben did, but the way his gaze seemed to slide across Chad in a predatory motion was a hundred percent chaos magic. “What are <em>you</em> doing here?” he asked, his fingers teasing their way up Chad’s legs. “Did you need my assistance?”</p><p>“Um- actually I’m fine,” Chad said, beginning to realize something was wrong.</p><p>“Are you sure?” Ben hummed. “I think that hungry little clit of yours needs some help.”</p><p>“My <em>what?</em>” Chad squawked, but then fake Ben was flipping his skirt up, dragging Chad to the edge of his desk so he could mouth at the bulge between his legs. “<em>Ben</em>-”</p><p>“That’s me,” Ben chirped, hooking a finger into Chad’s panties and deftly tugging them down. “And look at <em>this</em>.”</p><p>“That’s-” Chad seemed hopelessly embarrassed by his minor interest. “You don’t have to-”</p><p>“But I’m <em>gonna</em>,” Ben promised, and then he was deepthroating Chad. </p><p>“Oh <em>fuck</em>.” Chad’s back arched, both of his hands pressed flat against the desk as his hips worked into Fake Ben’s mouth. “<em>Ben</em>-”</p><p>“Such a pretty girl,” Ben hummed when he pulled off of Chad, pleasuring the blond with his fingers. “Jay, don’t you think so?”</p><p>“Fucking <em>yes</em>,” Jay said, his cheeks heated in a dark flush.  His interest was already obvious between his legs, and Mal wasn’t much better, feeling her dumb mushroom stir to life against her panties.</p><p>“She has the prettiest clit,” Ben hummed. “I would show everyone if I could.”</p><p>“No you wouldn’t,” Chad whined. “You’re dating Audrey-”</p><p>“<em>Yes I would</em>,” Fake Ben snapped. “In fact-” He took a step back, spinning Chad so that he was facing the front of his desk.</p><p>“Ben-” Chad croaked, seeming somewhat shaky. “What are you-”</p><p>“Hey, Aziz,” Fake Ben said, wrapping an arm around Chad’s waist as Fake Aziz materialized from nowhere. “Want to see how pretty Chad is?”</p><p>“Sure do,” Fake Aziz chirped, and then he was dragging Chad’s short skirt up, both of them toying with his length until he was writhing between them.</p><p>“G-Guys,” Chad gasped.  “You don’t have to-”</p><p>“Hey, Doug!” Fake Ben cheered, and then it was just a line of their peers helping Fake Ben fondle Chad, the lot of them getting him more and more worked up.</p><p>“Ben, Ben, Ben, <em>Ben</em>-” Chad kept chanting, turning his gaze desperately towards Mal and Jay. “<em>Guys</em>.”</p><p>“Leave me out of it,” Mal said, fondling her dumb bulge. “<em>Fuck</em>.”</p><p>“Alright,” Jay said, deciding he could no longer sit still. “I want me some mushroom action.”</p><p>“<em>Jay</em>,” Mal hissed, but he was already pushing her back against the couch. “You fucking <em>shit</em>.”</p><p>“Come on,” Jay murmured, voice low and hot in her ear. “Don’t tell me you’re not about to burst from those panties.  Thick mushroom dick straining against that material and you’re trying to pretend you’re not aching for it to spring from your skirt.  I watched you with Chad earlier – you <em>love</em> how big it gets; how wet it feels-”</p><p>“<em>Jay</em>,” Mal warned, but she knew it was a losing battle because Jay’s dirty talk was legendary.  She felt the dumb mushroom responding like a physical thing, like Jay was actually stroking it when in fact nothing was happening except Chad was getting pleasured by a nonstop stream of Auradon students and apparently that did things to her because-</p><p>The mushroom surged, Mal’s back arching with a croon when it burst over the top of her panties.  She could feel it pulsing beads of slick, felt the wetness slide down the length of the mushroom before hitting her actual genitals which pulsed in retaliation, shivering helplessly as she quaked around the throbbing mushroom. </p><p>“Oh look, Chad,” Fake Ben said, his gaze suddenly on Mal and Jay. “Mal’s got a chair ready for you.”</p><p>“<em>What?</em>” Jay croaked, but Chad- who’d apparently been getting more than handjobs because that was fake <em>Evie</em> with her fingers buried inside him – couldn’t do anything as Fake Ben dragged him over, nudging Jay out of the way. </p><p>“Here, sweetheart,” Ben said, lining Chad’s entrance up with the stupid mushroom. “Just like-”</p><p><em>Both</em> Mal and Chad let out incoherent noises of pleasure, Mal groaning at Chad’s wet, hot heat, the prince clutching relentlessly onto the mushroom and instead of relenting with any kind of grace, it throbbed spastically, shuddered and moved on its own until Chad was <em>wailing</em>, helpless croons as Fake Ben eased him the rest of the way on.</p><p>When Mal was completely inside him- when the <em>mushroom</em> was completely inside him, Chad lost it- Mal could feel him fall apart, making a mess of his petticoat.</p><p>“Feel good, sweetheart?” Ben asked, idling pumping Chad while he fell to pieces. “Do you like Mal’s chair?  Probably wish you could sit on it every day.”</p><p>“I um- I don’t think-” Chad was chanting, shaking his head even as he continued to rock his hips, swallowing gasps because the mushroom was vibrating relentlessly inside him, dragging both him and Mal along for the ride. “I- I like girls-”</p><p>“That’s great,” Ben said, continuing to work Chad’s length. “Because Mal’s a girl!  And she just loves the feel of you – don’t you, Mal?”</p><p>“Fucking <em>fuck off</em>, Ben,” Mal snapped, legs twitching wide as Fake Ben continued to help Chad work himself up and down her dumb mushroom penis.</p><p>“Aw, Mal – you don’t have to be like that,” Fake Ben urged. “We can all see how much you like making Chad feel good.  Why, doesn’t the idea of Evie watching this just make you pulse?”</p><p>Mal choked on nothing, arousal exploding behind her eyes as the mushroom surged deeper into Chad, <em>expanding</em> until it tested his limits, dripping a steady stream of <em>something</em> until it squished out of Chad in a lewd stream. </p><p>Evie had a thing for Chad because he was a prince, but Chad was such a damn awkward banana who talked to like <em>no one</em> that Mal had been trying to set her sights on someone else.  But Evie was insistent, and Chad was <em>Chad</em>, so of course she was getting nowhere and if the actual Evie <em>did</em> see Mal fucking her targeted prince-</p><p>Well, who knows what would go through her head, but Mal hoped it would be pretty hot. </p><p>“<em>Mal</em>,” Chad mewled, thrashing in her lap. “<em>Please</em>.”</p><p>“Fill him up,” Ben chirped, the hand between Chad’s legs working even faster. “You know you want to.  You know you want to leave Chad absolutely dripping with your slick, want it to spill out of him in a torrent until he can think of only you for weeks.”</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>, Ben,” Jay whimpered, dragging a hand across his face.</p><p>“Maybe later,” Fake Ben hummed, making Jay trail off with an incoherent whine.  “Are you ready, sweetheart?” Fake Ben asked Chad, who seemed to be holding on for dear life. “Would you like to come?”</p><p>“P-Please, Ben,” Chad gasped, spit sliding from the corner of his mouth. “I just-”</p><p>“Okay,” Fake Ben chirped. “Let’s give everyone a good view, then.”</p><p>“<em>Ben</em>,” Chad whined, terribly wounded, but that didn’t stop Ben from brushing the skirt out of the way, revealing the throbbing mess of Chad’s length as he continued to tease and pump it. </p><p>“So good for Mal,” Ben said. “You’re such a good girl, for her.  For us.  Jay’s so hard for you right now, you don’t even know-”</p><p>“<em>Ben</em>,” Chad gasped, and then Fake Ben was grinding his palm down, pulling Chad into a kiss that could only be considered filthy-</p><p>Chad clutched hard around Mal and she fell to pieces, the mushroom loosing hot bursts of slick into the blond while he moaned into Ben’s mouth.  He crooned when the fake prince pulled away, but that was short lived because then <em>he</em> was coming again, Fake Ben grinning all the while.</p><p>“That’s it, sweetheart,” Ben urged. “It feels good for Mal to fill you up like this, doesn’t it?  Do you feel full?”</p><p>“Yes, yes- <em>guh</em>-” Chad shuddered, clenching around Mal as his thighs shook.  “She’s so- I’m so <em>wet</em>.” </p><p>“You’re gonna be gushing, sweetheart,” Ben murmured. “You’re gonna milk Mal’s pretty chair out of existence and then I’m gonna bend you over so Jay can see how wet you are.”</p><p>“Ah- <em>Ben</em>,” Chad whined, and it was like some kind of fulfilling prophesy because he seemed to be doing just that, clenching and shuddering around Mal and dragging everything out of the damn mushroom while he shook helplessly. “D-Don’t say that.”</p><p>“Why?” Ben hummed. “You like being wet.  And you’ve wanted Jay to look at that pretty little hole of yours for so long-”</p><p>Mal gasped as Chad clamped down hard around her, the blond blushing furiously as he babbled out objections. “N-No, I- I like girls-”</p><p>“But when you’re a girl, you can like boys,” Fake Ben chirped, like that made sense. “And right now, you’re such a pretty girl-”</p><p>“<em>Ah</em>-” Chad whined when the mushroom fully pulled out of him, the plant shrinking back into Mal’s clothing as it sputtered and pulsed, leaving her twitching helplessly. </p><p>“Look, Jay!” Ben cheered, pushing Chad down so that he was sprawled against Mal’s chest, urging the back of his skirt up. “See?”</p><p>Mal’s view was somewhat blocked but there was no mistaking the fingers Ben slid into Chad, the blond letting out a sharp sound before Mal felt a torrent of slick spatter onto her thighs. </p><p>“Ah, man,” Ben mused, fingering Chad in earnest, each move echoed by an obnoxiously loud squelch. “It’s all spilling out.  Jay, could you help with that?”</p><p>“Fucking <em>yes</em>, I can,” Jay said, scrambling in position. “I mean, if that’s um- Chad?”</p><p>“It’s so hot,” Chad panted, looking over his shoulder. “It’s- y-you won’t tell?”</p><p>“Fuck no, I won’t,” Jay pledged, and through the haze of Mal’s arousal, she registered a distant pride at Jay’s restraint.  She knew this was a difficult picture for him to think clearly through.</p><p>“T-Then just-” Chad cut off with a gasp, crooning when the Agraben slid into him. </p><p>“Shit, shit, <em>shit</em>,” Jay hissed. “Whatever that stuff is makes everything so hot and <em>good</em>.”</p><p>“That’s just Chad,” Fake Ben offered helpfully. “Now start moving in and out, that should help get the rest of it out of him.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, I can do that,” Jay babbled, and then he was fucking Chad in earnest.</p><p>“Ah- <em>ahhh</em>,” Chad moaned, thrashing against Mal’s shoulder. “Jay- <em>Jay</em>.”</p><p>Each slide of their hips came with another lewd <em>squish</em>. </p><p>“Jay, you shithead,” Mal hissed, feeling herself get hot again. “Do this somewhere <em>else</em>.”</p><p>“What?” Jay panted, eyes glazed over with want while his hands curled around Chad’s bare hips, his skirt pushed up to this waist and stupid panties firmly down around his thighs. “Is your mushroom dick getting worked up again?”</p><p>“You act like he’s not right on top of me,” Mal snapped, because yes, it <em>was</em> happening again and she felt helpless to stop it, knew she was doomed when Chad’s length accidentally ground against her stomach.</p><p>“Let’s just get rid of his, shall we?” Ben hummed, and then Chad’s dress was gone, making it very obvious what was happening and-</p><p>The mushroom grew, sliding against Chad’s erection, the blond letting out a sound of shock.</p><p>“Hey, look at that,” Fake Ben chirped, his hand deftly sliding between them. “Let’s try this out.”</p><p>That was all the warning Mal got before he started pumping their lengths together.  Not that- Mal didn’t <em>have</em> a length it was just a dumb sensory-sharing mushroom but <em>fuck</em> if it didn’t feel amazing sliding against Chad’s pretty dick, the blond whimpering all the while. </p><p>“Oh- <em>oh</em> it’s so soft, it’s so wet,” he panted.</p><p>“Do you like it?” Ben asked, perking up. “We could get you something like it, if you want.”</p><p>“W-What?” Chad gasped, but Fake Ben was already in motion, seemingly urging off a piece of Mal’s mushroom and she didn’t feel that, but she <em>did</em> feel the moment he pressed the mushroom piece against Chad’s sack because he crooned, and if Mal hadn’t been looking she wouldn’t have understood what happened.  Even <em>looking</em> she still struggled to comprehend the mushroom piece nestling just above Chad’s testicles. </p><p>But then Ben stroked it, and Mal felt that in <em>her</em> genitals, his finger tracing her folds in a bare tease but he was touching Chad who <em>also</em> seemed to feel it-</p><p>“Perfect!” Ben chirped, his finger slipping inside the mushroom <em>vagina</em> that was on Chad, Mal feeling it right in her core because <em>of course she did</em>. </p><p>“<em>Ben</em>,” Chad croaked. “I don’t- what did you-?”</p><p>“I gave you more options!” Ben cheered. “Because I’m a good friend.  Now, all you need to do is-”</p><p>He slid Mal’s mushroom protrusion into Chad’s new accessory and both of them <em>thrashed</em>, Chad because he was being penetrated twice and Mal because she was both fucking and getting fucked and <em>this</em> was why they should have never gone into Wonderland, it was because of <em>this shit right here</em>. </p><p>No matter how deep her mushroom surged, it didn’t seem to find any limits on Chad and Mal felt it scraping deep inside her but also had the pleasure of filling something and the conflicting feelings were entirely overwhelming but not to the point where she <em>didn’t</em> want to punch Jay in the face. </p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” Jay hissed. “I’m gonna- I’m about to-”</p><p>“All three of you,” Fake Ben chirped. “Go for it.  It will be fun.”</p><p>He snapped his fingers, and Mal swore she saw stars. </p><p>She fell apart, felt herself get flooded with slick the same time she felt herself unload into Chad’s heat and his length was spasming as it loosed hot bursts onto her chest, onto his chest, and Jay was moaning, rocking his way through his release and making <em>new</em> slick spill down Chad’s legs and-</p><p>And then everything went dark. </p><p>Which was probably the best thing that could have happened.</p><p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p><p>Mal struggled towards coherence with a staggering headache, her body seeming to throb all over.  She felt sore, like she’d spent a full week running without rest and she didn’t know why.  The ground was firm beneath her, but she was resting on… grass?</p><p>When she managed the effort to open her eyes, she realized she was in the same stupid woods she and Jay had spent the last day <em>lost</em> in.  Which just figured. </p><p>With a massive effort, she managed to roll on her back, and immediately noticed a handful of things.</p><p>One, Chad Charming also seemed to be passed out in the woods with her.  He was cuddled up to Jay, which would have been a cute picture if they were actually friends. </p><p>Two, Wonderland – the walls of it and the land in itself – were nowhere to be seen, which was probably for the best. </p><p>And three-</p><p>“Aw, <em>fuck</em>,” Jay grumbled, rubbing at his eyes. “Did that shit just happen?” he asked, squinting in Mal’s direction. “Or did I just have a really crazy sex dream?”</p><p>“Oh, it happened alright,” Mal said, her voice hard.  She was glad to be in her own clothes again, that was nice, but there was still one distinct fucking problem.</p><p>“Cool,” Jay drawled, offering her a sleepy grin. “So, did we get the mushroom?”</p><p>“Yep,” Mal drawled. “It would appear to still be <em>in my pants</em>.”</p><p>Jay blinked at her, then pointedly shifted his gaze between her legs. “…aw shit.”</p><p>Yeah, that summed it up well.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don’t- I don’t have an explanation for this story.  I can say that this is the first in a series, because of course this would be the one story that spawned many sequels, and I can say that things will only get dumber from here.  Like, for real.  </p><p>This story will consist of 4 chapters of story content and 1 chapter of deleted scenes.  The deleted scenes will be posted along with the last chapter.  As always, please let me know if I missed something in the tags.  Especially for this story, since I wasn’t sure how to tag like, half of this nonsense.  I prefer to ere on the side of caution with these things, but when you stare at something for long enough, it can be easy to lose the details :)</p><p>I update once a week, generally on Sundays, but because things have been so crazy lately, I decided to make an effort to update twice a week.  So there will be one update on Sunday and one update on Wednesday/Thursday for now :D  </p><p>Just a heads up – I update the story tags as I go in order to avoid spoilers.  So characters, pairings, content warnings – all will be updated in correlation to the appropriate chapter as they are posted. </p><p>Story notes: </p><p>For the record, sending groups of young royals off into the wilderness to fend for themselves sounds like a horrible idea.  I only conjured it for the sake of the story, but man does this Auradon Prep play fast and loose with the safety of their students, lol. </p><p>Until next time :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Emotions are Hard (as are other things)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>GENERAL WARNING – Dubious consent.  Again, because of magic, and also because Jay’s an insatiable dummy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Um.” Chad shifted uneasily, blushing up a storm while Mal and Jay started into her pants, glaring at the seemingly innocent green protrusion nestled within the confines of her clothing.  “So uh…”</p>
<p>“Yep,” Jay said. “That is a mushroom dick, all right.  Does it still work out here?”</p>
<p>Before Mal could respond, he stroked the top of it, which immediately had Mal’s thighs twitching wide like a stupid invitation.  <em>Fuck</em>, no wonder Jay wanted to have sex all the time, her dick wasn’t even real and it was distracting as hell.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Jay said, still sort of teasing the top. “I guess that answers that question.”</p>
<p>“Stop <em>touching</em> it,” Mal hissed. </p>
<p>“But maybe I can pull it out now?” Jay said, executing a classic Jay move where he did the opposite of what Mal ordered and wrapped his entire hand around the stupid mushroom.  This was just like the museum all over again, except there were no alarms and nothing to run away from and Mal had to deal with the feel of her crewmate’s hand on her dumb plant penis. </p>
<p>Mal was sure Jay tried to tug it out.  She was sure Jay tried <em>that</em> much.  What actually happened was his palm slid from base to tip in a delicious grind one could misunderstand for intentional stimulation, which the mushroom seemed to appreciate very much.</p>
<p>It expressed this appreciation by happily growing up out of Mal’s clothes until it could waver in the soft afternoon sun of <em>not Wonderland</em>. </p>
<p>“Oh,” Chad gasped, pressing a hand to his mouth as he shifted restlessly. “Um… guys?”</p>
<p>He seemed hopelessly embarrassed, but Mal was beginning to suspect that was just Chad’s default state of existence.  Despite this, he still managed to gesture spastically between his own legs, where he seemed to be sporting his own happy bulge. </p>
<p>“I um…” He swallowed roughly. “I think I feel-”</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” Mal hissed, letting her head fall back with a sigh.  “That’s right.  We share things now.”</p>
<p>“What?” Jay asked, perking up with interest.  He looked at Chad, then looked at the mushroom dick, then turned his gaze back to Chad and-</p>
<p>“<em>Jay!</em>” Chad sputtered as the Agraben dragged him closer, undoing his pants in easy movements. </p>
<p>Despite Chad’s objections, he didn’t seem to make any effort to fight this process, but for all Mal knew that could just be because he was the most awkward human in existence. </p>
<p>“<em>Guys</em>,” Chad whined when both of them stared at his bared erection, the thing full and flushed in a stupid state of Auradon perfection because of course a prince would even have a pretty dick too. </p>
<p>“So let me get this straight,” Jay began. “You can feel this?”</p>
<p>He pumped the mushroom once, letting his palm grind against the top of it, and while Mal cursed at the feelings of arousal that followed, she also couldn’t help but note the way Chad’s length seemed to mimic all of those motions despite the fact that no one was touching him.</p>
<p>“<em>Ah</em>,” Chad moaned, pressing a surprised hand to his mouth. “It’s like- e-everything you do to that-”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you feel it too,” Jay said, pumping Mal in earnest and watching Chad’s length spasm wildly in the air. “Wow, that’s neat.”</p>
<p>“<em>Jay</em>,” Chad whined again, his hips shifting upwards on reflex. “Please um- please stop.”</p>
<p>“For real though,” Mal said, batting the Agraben’s hands away because the stupid mushroom was still growing, and at this rate she wouldn’t be able to tuck it back into her pants. “Okay, so Chad and I are now magically connected.”</p>
<p>“In more ways than one,” Jay said, his gaze still pointedly between Chad’s legs.  “What’s this?”</p>
<p>His stupid, dexterous fingers slipped <em>under</em> Chad’s length and fondled the bulge of mushroom that seemed to still be stuck to Chad’s body, making Mal realize she and Chad were connected in that way too.</p>
<p>Chad let out a sharp sound, cheeks flushing brilliantly as he stared at Jay with wide eyes. “I don’t- I don’t know what that is.  Can you get it off?”</p>
<p>“It’s a magic vagina,” Mal said, making the prince squeak. “I have a mushroom dick; you have a mushroom vajay-jay.  Welcome to our crazy life.”</p>
<p>“I can’t-” Chad sputtered.  “I can’t have a-”</p>
<p>“So Mal, do you feel this?” Jay asked, sinking two fingers easily into the green, squishy bulge. </p>
<p>Chad <em>crooned</em>, legs flexing wide and back arching as his hips eagerly shifting into Jay’s attention. </p>
<p>Mal cursed, because of course she felt that.  Of <em>course</em> Chad would have some kind of sensory input directly into Mal’s genitals, how else could her life get less convenient?</p>
<p>“Jay, you <em>fucker</em>,” Mal hissed as he continued to finger Chad’s mushroom bulge, her groin throbbing because she felt each and every movement combined with the stupid mushroom that was still very much holding her wide, seeming to vibrate with happiness until it was growing again, happily wavering in the air. </p>
<p>“Hey, this is great,” Jay chirped, dragging Chad’s pants and underwear lower for better access. “I can’t eat you out with the mushroom in place, but I can eat Chad-”</p>
<p>“Jay,” Mal gasped. “Do not put your mouth on that thing.”</p>
<p>But it was Jay, so of course he did just that, happily lapping at the fake lips of Chad’s fake genitals until Chad was crooning helplessly, his throbbing member bobbing against his stomach. </p>
<p>“Jay, Jay, yes, <em>please</em>-” Chad panted. “I don’t- what are you- <em>tongue!</em>” he gasped, because Jay was greatly skilled with his mouth and had no qualms with who knew it, was happy to lavish that dumb mushroom protrusion and Mal could do nothing but sit back and deal with the sensation of Jay eating her out, everything wet and pulsing and on its way to getting soaked.</p>
<p>“I hate you,” Mal muttered, giving up and wrapping a hand around her dumb mushroom so she could pump it in earnest. “You’re so fucking stupid.”</p>
<p>“<em>Mal!</em>” Chad crooned, his dick swinging to copy her movements, leaking and twitching wildly.  “Oh, Mal- <em>please</em>.”</p>
<p>“We’ll get there,” Mal murmured, working her hand faster. “We’re going to get through this, and then we’re going to figure out how to get rid of these stupid mushrooms-”</p>
<p>Like some kind of objection, both mushrooms pulsed at the same time, Mal’s unloading thick bursts of slick that seemed to refuse to stop coming, Chad’s gushing onto Jay’s face in a stupid torrent. </p>
<p>Mal tried to work herself through it, but the mushroom just <em>kept going</em>, kept dragging her through an orgasm while Chad shuddered and crooned.</p>
<p>“Not stupid!” Jay was saying, his voice panicked. “They’re not stupid mushrooms, they’re perfectly lovely and we’re glad to have them because they’re generous and make them feel good and please just- please stop, mushrooms, <em>please</em>.”</p>
<p>Because Wonderland seemed to like Jay, the mushrooms decided to hear out his plight, sputtering to a halt until Chad and Mal were exhausted, spent piles. </p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” Mal hissed, glaring at the dumb fungus.  It had stopped, but as a sort of punishment it hadn’t shrunk down to its usual, respectably small size.  Now it was a little bigger, and she knew when she eased it back into her clothes, things would be a little tight.  There might even be a dumb bulge. </p>
<p>Even Chad’s mushroom seemed a little bigger, flushed and swollen, though his placement was a little better. </p>
<p>“Oh- <em>oh</em>,” the blond crooned, sliding a hand across the wet folds of the mushroom, making it – and Mal – squish lewdly.  “W-What?”</p>
<p>“So um…” Jay cleared his throat. “I guess you guys just have magic genitals now.  That you should be nice to,” he added. “Or else, you know.”</p>
<p>“They develop a life of their own,” Mal growled as she shoved her dumb mushroom back into her clothes. “Chad, stop fondling us.”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Chad squeaked, pulling his hand away like it had been burned. “Oh wow.  I… Not that you aren’t super nice mushrooms, but um… I can’t- I can’t really keep you- not that I don’t appreciate what you’re doing-”</p>
<p>“Just save it,” Mal sighed, bemoaning the state of her world. “We’ll research when we get back to Auradon.  There’s a tradeoff to these things, we just have to figure out what they want.”</p>
<p>“Pretty sure they want sex,” Jay said, wiping the clear mushroom juice from his chin as he helped Chad into his clothes.</p>
<p>“No, that’s just a manifestation,” Mal said, thinking about the notes her mom had left her on enchanted greenery. “Magic’s fickle.  The plants are manifesting in a way most acceptable to our desires, but they’re not what we actually want, so…” She sighed. “Looks like we’ll have to do a lot of reading when we get back.”</p>
<p>“Shouldn’t we um- tell Fairy Godmother?” Chad asked, blushing because Jay was a stupid shit that insisted on sneaking one last fondle to his mushroom before easing Chad into his clothes. “I’m sure she’d know what to do.”</p>
<p>“Blondie, we’re not telling anyone,” Mal snapped. “One, because we weren’t supposed to go into Wonderland,” she said, aiming a glare at Jay. “And two, because if we did, we would be the ones blamed for harming a prince and probably get shipped back to the Isle.”</p>
<p>“What?” Chad gasped. “But you didn’t do anything.”</p>
<p>“Exactly,” Mal said, though she was pretty sure putting a mushroom in her vagina constituted as ‘<em>something</em>’. “So we’ll just have to figure this out on our own, and in the meantime, <em>don’t tell anyone</em>.”</p>
<p>“Well…” Chad shifted uneasily. “It’s not like I have anyone to tell anyway.”</p>
<p>“That’s the spirit,” Mal chirped, even though that was unquestionably sad. “Now come on, we need to get back to that stupid fucking retreat facility.”</p>
<p>“What about your scavenger hunt?” Chad asked. “I can help you with that.”</p>
<p>Mal looked at Chad, the pathetic, awkward excuse for a prince who had quite by accident gotten wrapped up in Jay’s bullshit.  Thought about the stupid scavenger hunt, how useless it was in the long run, and realized the blond just needed a desperate distraction by way of something that was painfully normal.</p>
<p>Mal sighed.  Carlos got that way too, sometimes.</p>
<p>“Fine,” she said, motioning for Jay to hand the paper over.  “I guess we can work on the stupid fucking scavenger hunt too.”</p>
<p>“Hooray,” Jay said, thrusting a fist into the air. “To maybe not failing!”</p>
<p>“Oh, we already failed,” Mal hummed, but then she motioned them onwards, her dumb flushed mushroom straining against the material of her pants.</p>
<p>Such was the victorious life of Mal Bertha.</p>
<p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p>
<p>The process of getting back to Auradon Prep was agonizing.</p>
<p>No, not agonizing, just tedious.  Mal wasn’t used to controlling her thoughts – not that she was one to wander off into wild daydreams, but even she had idle ponderings every now and then.  She couldn’t be focused on overtaking Auradon all the time.  Sometimes she’d entertain herself with thoughts of toying with Jay, adequate punishments and acceptable pastimes she could perform on him depending on her mood. </p>
<p>Right now she was all for punishments, and if he wanted her mushroom dick so badly, he sure as shit wasn’t going to get it.  No, she’d maybe tie him up instead, tease him steadily until he was all flushed and whining, his hips shifting hopefully while his dick bobbed hard against his stomach.  She’d tease his nipples for a while, she decided, take her time until he was willing to come from that alone, and then-</p>
<p>The thing about daydreaming perversions with a mushroom dick verses daydreaming perversions <em>without</em> said mushroom dick was that normally, Mal could think of this shit and no one would be the wiser. </p>
<p>But now she had a damn neon sign indicating when she was thinking less-than-savory things because the mushroom could stir to life at the smallest thought, swelling up until it pressed hard against the fly of her jeans.  On one hand, it was irritating.  On another, she felt kind of bad for Chad, who was now also stuck with the results of her reaction, but lastly-</p>
<p>It was fucking obnoxious, and she had to deal with it the entire bus ride back to Auradon Prep.  She’d luckily calmed herself by the time they got off the damn bus, but now she knew what she had to keep an eye on. </p>
<p>Another damn hindrance. </p>
<p>“You okay?” Jay asked, standing a little closer than he normally would have.</p>
<p>“I’m <em>fine</em>,” Mal snapped, and then, because he was only trying to be a good minion, she added, “I’ll text you if that changes.”</p>
<p>It did change.</p>
<p>But that time it wasn’t her fault. </p>
<p>It was later that night, after her crew had reunited and she and Jay had spun their cover story before Jay dragged Carlos off to play video games and Mal got a more thorough rundown of what they’d missed at the school from Evie while they were on their field trip.  After that it was business as usual.  Dinner, parting ways, Carlos promising to rescan the museum’s security system for weaknesses while they retreated to their respective rooms.  They did homework, got ready for bed, brooded – all standard shit. </p>
<p>Evie was taking her turn in the shower when things stopped following their usual routine.  Mal usually went first, out of respect for her position and also because Evie took like eighteen years due to her nighttime beauty routine, so she always went second so Mal wouldn’t fall asleep without having a chance to get clean.  It had definitely happened before, and Mal didn’t care all that much (she’d gone her entire life without regular baths), but Evie <em>did</em>, hence their system.</p>
<p>Mal had been sitting on her bed, contemplating her sketchbook, when she’d felt the first stirs of contact against her groin.  It was unusual areas though, seeming to focus on the dip between her thigh and groin, the far outsides of her lips.  Gentle caresses that started at the sides before going up in front of her, stroking through her pubic hair before moving below her, to the perineum.</p>
<p>“Fucking hell, Chad,” Mal grumbled, knowing this was likely the prince’s handiwork.  Maybe he was trying to clean around the mushroom, or something.  It made Mal glad she had gotten the prince’s number from him before they’d parted ways.  She’d call him if things got worse.</p>
<p>And they didn’t seem to, really.  Chad wasn’t moving with any sort of intent, he seemed to just be feeling out the mushroom.  But like, all aspects of it.  It felt akin to someone rubbing their fingers all over Mal’s groin in a relentless tease, something that had her legs spreading, moisture growing as she bit down on her lip in frustration.  He was taking forever to get to the part that actually mattered, and Mal could feel her mushroom pulsing with anticipation, the stalk seeming to vibrate against her, stirring up additional stimulation-</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” Mal hissed when she felt a phantom finger slide into her. </p>
<p>Again, there seemed to be no intent save for feeling her out, the digit wiggling up and down spastically, exploring more than stimulating before it was gone again, and then-</p>
<p>“<strong><em>Fuck</em></strong>,” Mal growled louder, because the shithead had gone from one finger to<em> three</em> with no warning, and he wasn’t even pleasuring her, he was just kind of flopping them around-</p>
<p>That was it.  Mal was done with the stupid random contact that left her hot and flustered.  She was still clenching around nothing, eager for more, and Chad was-</p>
<p>Well, he had a room to himself (for some fucking reason), so they were going to make the most of it.</p>
<p>Mal fumbled for a piece of paper, scrawling a quick note to Evie explaining that she would be out for the evening (brooding, was the implication) before she teleported to the dumb prince’s room.</p>
<p>Which he was not even in. </p>
<p>He was in his bathroom, easing his fingers into the mushroom protrusion with a look of total embarrassment. </p>
<p>“Mal!” he squeaked, pulling his hand away in a rush. “I just- I had this stuff Fairy Godmother gave to me once-” He motioned towards a tube that was on the counter. “I thought maybe it would-”</p>
<p>Mal did not know and did not care how that sentence ended.  The only thing she cared about was shoving Chad dumbass Charming back onto his toilet and hooking his legs around her waist.  One shove had her pants and underwear out of the way, and then-</p>
<p>Her mushroom surged to meet Chad’s, thrusting into that warm heat eagerly and Mal sighed at the satisfying girth that seemed to enter her, Chad crooning as his length bobbed against his stomach.</p>
<p>“Mal, <em>Mal</em>,” he croaked. “I feel like- I’m fucking you but you’re fucking me I can feel you deep inside and-”</p>
<p>“Good,” Mal hissed, beginning to rut into him in a steady tempo.  “Ah- <em>fuck</em>, you feel so good, Chad.  Such a good, sweet flower.”</p>
<p>“Oh <em>wow</em>,” Chad gasped, and she should hate him, how he said such shit entirely without irony but that was Chad Charming, that was what he did.  “M-Mal, it’s getting bigger.  You’re getting bigger but I’m-” </p>
<p>His mushroom was also getting bigger, Mal realized.  She reveled in it, in the extra <em>squish</em> and responsive slide of it, how stupidly wet it was, only she felt the same things mirrored in herself.  She knew her actual genitals weren’t getting bigger, but they did feel that way.  Felt like they were twitching and spreading wider, seeming to almost vibrate with want and steadily dripping down her dumb mushroom dick that seemed to <em>sing</em> with pleasure. </p>
<p>A grunt, and Mal felt herself unload into Chad- felt the mushroom pulse into that greedy nest.  Chad crooned, his legs twitching while Mal rutted her way through it, and she fought to stay coherent because she’d come once and was trying to urge a second orgasm via Chad. </p>
<p>“M-Mal,” Chad gasped, his length softening now that she’d come, his chest covered with slick. “I… it’s still-”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Mal grumbled, tucking her wet mushroom back into her clothes as she realized the problem. </p>
<p>Their stupid dicks had been satisfied, but Mal hadn’t pleasured Chad’s mushroom enough and it was still sending signals of want. </p>
<p>She sighed. “Come on,” she said, dragging him from his bathroom over to his bed. </p>
<p>He stumbled after her, stuttering all the while, until she was shoving him down onto his back. </p>
<p>“Alright,” she said, crawling between his legs. “This shouldn’t be super hard.” After all, she pleasured herself all the time. </p>
<p>“It- it feels weird,” Chad croaked, clear slick leaking from the protrusion.  If Mal didn’t have a mushroom holding her open, she was sure she’d be doing the same.  “H-Hotter than usual.”</p>
<p>“Well, we did just fuck,” Mal marveled, tracing her fingers across the wet folds of the mushroom.  She felt that transferred to her own body, though she was more interested in the way Chad gasped, his legs spreading wide.</p>
<p>“I- M-Mal,” Chad gasped as she kept rubbing, watching his mushroom swell.  “<em>Mal</em>.”</p>
<p>She could feel it, the way her own groin got hotter, the way it started to pulse and twitch again. </p>
<p>“A-Ah-” Chad whimpered.  “It’s getting too big, it’s gonna come out-”</p>
<p>“What’s gonna come out?” Mal asked, her fingers skimming to the top of his protrusion, toying with a little nub that could easily be his clit.  She rubbed it once.</p>
<p>His stupid fake vagina got <em>huge</em>.</p>
<p>Big enough that Mal felt struck still, air stolen from her lugs while white hot heat surged through her core. </p>
<p>“Mal, Mal, Mal, <em>Mal</em>,” Chad panted, his hips shaking.  “Mal, I-”</p>
<p>“<em>Yeah</em>,” Mal hissed through clenched teeth. “I <em>feel</em> it.”</p>
<p>Something big was pushing out of Chad, and if she hadn’t been watching, couldn’t feel it for herself, she wouldn’t have believed it.</p>
<p>But she was there, and felt each agonizing shake, could <em>see</em> the green bulb push its way out of him, until-</p>
<p>Chad let out an indecipherable croak as a mushroom, of all damn things, blossomed out of him. “<em>Mal</em>-”</p>
<p>It popped out harmlessly, and Mal felt it, the relief from the strain but that was nothing, the first of many, she realized, because she could already feel a bigger mushroom pushing at Chad’s lips. </p>
<p>“Oh, <em>oh</em>-” he gasped, rubbing at the clit until Mal thrashed, having to deal with that and then her own damn mushroom stirring to life again, surging so fast that it immediately popped out of her clothes.  “<em>Mal</em>.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t a betrayed sound, just a needy one, Chad’s dick eagerly swelling back to life against his stomach, leaving his swollen mushroom on display. </p>
<p>“Just-” Mal said, wishing his contracting wouldn’t have her squeezing so desperately around her mushroom, because the more she tried to get hers out the more it seemed to revolt, pushing deeper inside of her and growing more determinately out of her and stubbornly leaking all the while. “Just get them <em>out</em>.”</p>
<p>“I can’t- I can’t control it-” Chad whined, hand pressed against the mushroom like he was trying to urge it back towards him, like that would make the ones growing inside him pop out easier.  “It just-”</p>
<p>Mal knew what he meant.  Knew they were stuck at this slow and steady pace of mushrooms growing and blooming out until Chad had a steady pile of the damn things between his legs.  Which on one hand, great, Evie could finally get her prizes, but on the other-</p>
<p>Her mushroom was pushing so damn deep she was afraid something was going to break.  Because of that, she started pumping it, trying to relieve some of the tension.</p>
<p>Immediately Chad was crooning, his length twitching spastically against his chest. “Mal!” Out popped two mushrooms, covered in slick. “I-”</p>
<p>“Doing it,” Mal countered.  Anything to get this shit over.  She tried not to think hard about the rough handjob she was giving herself, gaze fixed on Chad and the mushrooms eagerly bursting out of him. </p>
<p>“It’s so much,” Chad said. “It’s too, I can’t- <em>Mal</em>-”</p>
<p>His gaze went wide when a mushroom, bigger than any that had come before it, started pressing him open.  Mal stopped her efforts because she could feel it, could feel herself spread wide but it felt <em>so good</em>, the phantom feelings filling her so completely. </p>
<p>“Ah-” Chad moaned. “<em>Ah</em>.”</p>
<p>It came slowly, so <em>very</em> slowly, torturing both of them with its gradual shifts.  It looked not unlike Mal’s mushroom growing proudly out into the light.  Mal wondered if Chad could feel it, if he’d felt all of them. </p>
<p>“Too big, too big, too big,” Chad was chanting.  “I can’t, I gotta-”</p>
<p>“You’re doing great,” Mal said, teasing his clit. </p>
<p>It seemed to be enough for him. </p>
<p>His eyes rolled back, and with a ragged gasp he came, Mal came, and the stupid giant mushroom surged out of him, plopping against the damp bedspread, while Chad-</p>
<p>Mal kept working him over and the mushroom kept gushing, <em>she</em> kept gushing, but eventually it shrank, getting smaller and smaller, until was a perfectly respectable mound. </p>
<p>Part of Mal wanted to hate it, but she had also just gone through the ringer and her dumb mushroom was shrinking again, so she wasn’t going to look into it too much. </p>
<p>“…so,” Mal said after they’d had a chance to catch their breath. “Shower?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Chad said, still seeming mildly dazed. “Shower.”</p>
<p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p>
<p>“It grew?” Jay asked after school the next day, staring at Chad’s crotch as though he would develop x-ray vision if he just looked hard enough. “I mean, Chad’s grew?  And you felt it?”</p>
<p>“That’s what I fucking said, isn’t it?” Mal snapped, rolling her eyes for good measure.  “Look, have you been doing research or not?”</p>
<p>Mal had been reading up on what she could in her mom’s spell book, but it didn’t have a lot to offer by way of enchanted plants.  Her mother hadn’t exactly been big on gardening.</p>
<p>“You remember that my dad was from Agrabah, right?” Jay asked, still staring at Chad’s crotch. “He wasn’t exactly a botanist.  I looked through the stuff from Evie’s mom though, enough to try a scanning spell, but…”</p>
<p>“But it requires you to be hands on, doesn’t it?” Mal drawled, entirely unimpressed with the predictability of her henchman.</p>
<p>As though to taunt her, her mushroom gave a tiny little pulse. </p>
<p>The grin Jay offered was unrepentant. “Yep.”</p>
<p>“Whatever.” Mal rolled her eyes again. “Just start looking at Chad’s.”</p>
<p>“At mine?” Chad squawked, flapping his hands like the awkward banana he was.  “Why can’t- I mean, yours is bigger.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, we all know <em>hers is bigger</em>,” Jay drawled, happily shoving Chad back so he was sprawled out flat on his bed as he deftly removed the prince’s shoes. “But it’s not about the size of the boat, you know?”</p>
<p>“I um- thought we were talking about mushrooms,” Chad stuttered while Jay relieved him of his pants and underwear.</p>
<p>“Chad, you are a pure soul,” Jay sagely informed him. “Don’t ever change.”</p>
<p>That seemed to startle Chad enough that he wasn’t bashful when Jay pushed his legs wide. “Really?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you’re great,” Jay said honestly, settling himself in. “Mal, you wanna get up here?” he asked, shooting a smarmy look at her. “So we can see if I can interrupt your connection?”</p>
<p>“You just want to see my mushroom dick,” Mal grumbled, but she went ahead and kicked off her shoes, deciding to pity Chad. </p>
<p>“Um- oh, man,” Chad said, blushing furiously. “You don’t have to- I mean I’ve never seen a lady’s-”</p>
<p>“Trust me, Mal’s no lady,” Jay chuckled, squeezing Chad’s thighs.</p>
<p>“Fuck you too, Jadir,” Mal said, abandoning her pants and underwear so she could splay out beside Chad. “Happy?”</p>
<p>Jay offered his best shit eating grin. “Thrilled.  Now…” He turned back to Chad, holding up two fingers.  A moment of concentration, and then a red light seemed to glow around them – his scanning spell, hopefully. “I’m just gonna…”</p>
<p>He traced his fingers around the outside of the mushroom, Mal feeling the phantom contact echoed on herself.  Jay moved in gentle caresses, his focus split between the mushroom and Chad’s face, though he occasionally glanced over at Mal to see how she was doing.  She glared at him each time he did, because she knew he was really just checking her out, the relentless horndog. </p>
<p>Her mushroom buzzed, poking out slightly in a shy wiggled before it deigned to retract to its normal state.  She wondered if that was its equivalent to sticking its tongue out. </p>
<p>Of course she found magic greenery with attitude. </p>
<p>“Okay,” Jay said, continuing his gentle movements. “I’m going to have to stroke inside now.”</p>
<p>“Just fucking do it,” Mal grumbled. </p>
<p>“I was warning Chad,” Jay said, and then he eased his glowing fingers in.  He pushed <em>deep</em>, as deep as he could go, and it was different than his normal sex magic.  It felt warm, but there really was a scan going on, though Mal was distracted by the look on Chad’s face. </p>
<p>“Oh- <em>oh</em>-” Chad was panting, his hips rocking into Jay’s touch. “That um- feels good.  I…” He trailed off, blushing as the mushroom spread wider, as though beckoning Jay.</p>
<p>Mal felt herself echo the action, felt herself spread wide enough so that there was actually space around her stupid mushroom.</p>
<p>“Keep doing that,” Mal ordered, reaching her fingers down to see if she could get some kind of grip around the base of her stalk. “I think I can-”</p>
<p>She managed to get two fingers inside before the mushroom swelled, enough to trap the digits inside, working them deeper.</p>
<p>Chad let out an inarticulate <em>croon</em>, his dick bouncing against his stomach.  “My- <em>ah</em>- m-my-”</p>
<p>“What?” Jay asked, still maintaining his steady probes. “Your dick?”</p>
<p>“<em>No</em>,” Chad moaned, embarrassed. “<em>Lower</em>.”</p>
<p>Jay lowered his free hand to Chad’s sack, rolling it pointedly between his fingers.</p>
<p>Chad gave a few spastic nods.</p>
<p>Huh… looks like Mal accidentally discovered how to pleasure him there. </p>
<p>The moment she was given some wiggle room, she pushed her fingers deeper, stroking instead of pulling at the mushroom. </p>
<p>She felt it, but not as strongly as Chad seemed to.</p>
<p>“M-Mal!” he crooned, the tip of his length seeming to gush steadily. “P-Please stop.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Mal said, reluctantly pulling her fingers out. “Jay, did you find anything?”</p>
<p>Jay, who’d had his fingers in Chad this entire time, hummed. “It’s connected to something emotionally, but I don’t know what,” he admitted. “Though I um… I might be able to-”</p>
<p>His brows furrowed in concentration, and Chad gasped, the mushroom seeming to pulse and-</p>
<p>Move.  It was moving. </p>
<p>No, it was sliding <em>up</em>. </p>
<p>“I’m um- trying to get it off,” Jay said, pulling his fingers out and pressing them to the outside of the fungus. “But all I can really do is move it-”</p>
<p>Two things happened at the same time.</p>
<p>One, the mushroom <em>did</em> move, and move enthusiastically at that.  It’s just- it moved to entirely surround Chad’s dick.</p>
<p>Two, Mal’s mushroom completely shoved inside her, long and thick, as though <em>simulating</em> Chad’s dick. </p>
<p>Chad seemed to choke on nothing, gaze wide and panicked as he stared at the mass surrounding his length.  “Oh <em>no</em>, it’s so- it’s so hot and wet-”</p>
<p>“That’s Mal’s vagina,” Jay said, seemingly dumbstruck.</p>
<p>“<em>What?</em>” Chad screeched, sitting up to stare at Jay and moaning when it caused him to scrape against the mushroom, which caused <em>Mal’s</em> mushroom to shift inside her. “W-What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“I <em>mean</em>,” Jay said, flustered for once as he motioned to Mal. “That’s um- essentially Mal’s <em>you know</em>.”</p>
<p>“N-No, I <em>do not know</em>,” Chad gasped, getting frantic. “M-Mushroom, I can’t- please, I’m not supposed to have sex with a girl.”</p>
<p>He cut off with a gasp when the mushroom began working itself up and down his length, Mal’s mushroom simulating the thrusts until she really was getting fucked by it, and Chad could feel every squeeze and tremble because it was getting transmitted to him.</p>
<p>“<em>No</em>,” Chad crooned, Mal gasping when she felt herself clamp down ruthlessly tight on her stalk and knowing that was carried over to Chad, who fell back with a moan. “I can’t- I’m not supposed to-”</p>
<p>“Stop telling it what to do,” Mal snapped. “It’s not gonna listen.”</p>
<p>“B-But my grandpa will disown me,” Chad crooned. “He said if- if I was dumb enough to-”</p>
<p>“You’re not really fucking me, stupid,” Mal hissed.</p>
<p>“B-But he said I’d- I’d get addicted,” Chad gasped, tears spilling from the corners of his eyes. “T-That I’d just be a dumb slut-”</p>
<p>“Fucking <em>hell</em>,” Mal groaned. “Does your grandpa actually say that shit to you?”</p>
<p>“Y-Yeah?” Chad tried. “I’m- I’m not that smart.”</p>
<p>“That doesn’t give him a right to <em>say that</em>,” Mal hissed. “This isn’t the fucking Isle, it’s Auradon.  And you’re not going to become a sex addict just from having simulated mushroom sex!”</p>
<p>A squeeze, and Mal felt Chad falling to pieces inside her, felt the mushroom coat her insides until it squished out in a lewd show.  She milked him, urging him dry while he rutted up into his mushroom, until she knew he had nothing left to offer.</p>
<p>Only then did Jay slide back in, using his magic to urge the mushroom where it used to be. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he said, seeming to genuinely mean it. “That wasn’t my goal at all.”</p>
<p>“No,” Mal sighed. “That was the mushroom’s goal.” She took a moment to catch her breath. “I think it wanted you to tell us about that shit your grandpa said.”</p>
<p>Chad gave her a sort of dazed look. “What?  But I… I’m not supposed to bother people.”</p>
<p>“At this point, we have mostly bothered <em>you</em>,” Mal replied, tired. “And you’ve taken it all in fucking stride, so you’re good in our book.”</p>
<p>“Hey…” Jay said, motioning between Mal’s legs. “Look.”</p>
<p>Mal blinked, shifting a lazy hand between her legs before she realized the mushroom was retreating back into her, hiding within her so slightly that it seemed to almost not be there.</p>
<p>“Huh,” Mal said. “I can still feel it, but it’s not a hindrance anymore.”</p>
<p>“Maybe it just needs to get a certain amount of exercise every day?” Jay offered.  He even had the audacity to sound hopeful.</p>
<p>Mal sighed. “Maybe.”</p>
<p>She glanced over at Chad and realized his had gotten small too.  Barely noticeable, even.</p>
<p>The blond cleared his throat. “Um… maybe we need to… to become friends?” he offered. “If it’s connected to an emotional thing?  <em>That’s</em> an emotional thing.”</p>
<p>Normally, Mal would snarl about friendship being for weaklings, <em>but</em>…</p>
<p>But these mushrooms seemed determined to stick around, so until she learned how to incinerate the dumb thing, maybe she should start readjusting her attitude about the situation.</p>
<p>“Maybe,” she allowed, deciding to leave that as a compromise.  </p>
<p>It was the best she could do.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey, look, it got dumber - and everyone was shocked, lol.</p>
<p>Thank you guys for the feedback!!  It’s a great comfort when tackling a new POV, and, you know, a story as weird as this one.  Thanks for giving it a chance :)</p>
<p>Until next time ^_^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Puppy Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>GENERAL WARNING – Dubious Consent – Lack of communication – in the second scene, there’s a lack of communication before they launch into things, though everyone is onboard for what happens.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I have a thought,” Jay said, pausing his quest to retrieve a damp washcloth because of course he couldn’t manage to do that much when there were two half-naked very attractive people three feet away from him. </p>
<p>“Is it a sex thought?” Chad asked, beginning to get a handle on how Jay’s brain worked. “I don’t think I can handle a sex thought.”</p>
<p>“But it’s a good sex thought!” Jay insisted, as though he would ever consider his ideas to be anything but useful.  “A great one, even, but mostly it’s a sex thought of opportunity, because we don’t know how many chances we’re going to get where Mal’s mushroom feels like hiding.”</p>
<p>“It’s hiding now,” Mal grumbled. “It stands to reason we could make it hide again.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, but it’s been mostly out since you got it, right?” Jay said, making no attempt to hide the way he evaluated Mal’s genitals.</p>
<p>Mal glowered, though Jay was in his happy place of sexual fantasy so of course it just sort of bounced off his cheerful shell.  <em>Ugh</em>, sometimes her henchman reminded her of Gil, who’d had so much potential before Harry had snatched him up like the greedy shitbag he was.</p>
<p>“It um… yeah,” Chad admitted when it became obvious Mal wasn’t going to reply.  She supposed he would know better than most since it was his dick she was magically attached to. </p>
<p>“<em>So</em>,” Jay continued, grinning triumphantly since his point had been proven, Mal guessed. “Now is a great opportunity for you two to have sex.”</p>
<p>Chad stared up at him with a blank expression, growing steadily redder until he let out a squawking, “<em>What?</em>”</p>
<p>“You and Mal should have sex!” Jay continued, practically vibrating in place with happiness. “Your grandpa forbade you from doing that, right, for what are obviously stupid reasons.  Maybe if you step up from simulated magic vaginal sex to <em>actual</em> magical vaginal sex-”</p>
<p>“I could get her pregnant,” Chad sputtered, seeming horrified at the thought.  Though whether it was at being a young father or making a child with Mal, Mal did not know, nor did she care.</p>
<p>What she did care about was his dumbass assumptions. “I take my herbs the same as everyone else, <em>stupid</em>,” Mal snapped, batting his arm. “And Jay’s been filching that birth control stuff for us from your infirmary.  I’m fine.”</p>
<p>“Oh…” Chad blinked, though he didn’t seem less embarrassed. “Okay, that’s good, but um…” His gaze flicked down to her groin, and then he turned bright red again when he realized what he’d done. “But that still doesn’t mean-”</p>
<p>“Holy shit, Jay.” Mal dragged a weary hand across her face. “Just magic finger him, would you?”</p>
<p>“It would be my pleasure,” Jay hummed, his fingers glowing with a familiar pulse of magic before he reached down and caressed Chad’s length from base to tip.</p>
<p>Immediately, the blond was hard, his dick wavering against his stomach as he let out a deep whine.</p>
<p>“<em>Guys</em>,” Chad crooned. “I um- I don’t think this is a good idea.  What if I really do get addicted?”</p>
<p>“Pretty sure you won’t,” Mal said, stroking him a few times just to ensure he was really interested.  Jay usually used that spell against her, he’d never tried it on a dude before, though he often begged Mal to let him use it against Carlos (which she denied, because she was pretty sure Carlos didn’t even want sex).</p>
<p>“And if you do, you know, we’ll help you through it,” Jay chirped, running a hand through Chad’s curls. “Come on, do you want to get rid of your mushroom or what?”</p>
<p>“I um- yes,” Chad sighed. “I really do, but…” He looked to Mal. “Do you um- really want to have sex with me?  Because we don’t if you don’t want to.”</p>
<p>“I’m <em>fine</em>,” Mal insisted, done with this mushy feelings stuff so she moved to straddle his hips, feeling a predatory heat curl within her as she stared at his dripping length. </p>
<p>“Oh, wow,” Chad gasped when she nestled him between her folds, started working herself onto him nice and slow. “Oh <em>wow</em>, this is even- Mal, you feel so-”</p>
<p>“Good<em> –</em> I know,” Mal said, allowing a flare of pride to curl through her chest because she fucking deserved it.  She was a damn hero.  A dumb stupid champion of sex.  “You’re not so bad yourself, blondie.”</p>
<p>“Oh, oh- <em>wow</em>.” Chad’s eyes fell shut as he shifted his hips slightly, enough to send a pleasureful buzz through Mal’s stomach, the heat growing again in predictable, pleasant waves.  “Oh wow, I have a- there’s a girl-”</p>
<p>“A <em>warrior</em>,” Jay amended, making Chad shiver, his length pulsing tellingly inside Mal.</p>
<p>Ah, so he liked that.</p>
<p>“That’s right, sweetheart,” Mal said, beginning to rock herself in earnest.  “You’re not fucking a pretty, pink princess.  You’ve got a damn warrior in your lap, a survivor, and I chose you over <em>all</em> the other princes.”</p>
<p>“Oh, wow.” It was Chad’s mantra, the thing he held onto as he fumbled for her hips, flushing when his fingers stroked at bare skin. “Mal…”</p>
<p>“Feel good?” Mal asked as she worked herself up and down, panting with a satisfied smirk at the delicious grind it earned her. “I feel good too, sweetheart.  That pretty dick of yours feels great.”</p>
<p>Chad let out a low, needy sound. </p>
<p>“Like that?” Jay whispered, curling next to Chad so he could breathe directly into his ear, one hand palming between his own legs. “Do you like us telling you how pretty you are?”</p>
<p>“I’m…” Chad swallowed. “I’m not-”</p>
<p>“You’re so fucking pretty,” Jay breathed, making Chad shiver. “Even Wonderland could see it.  Dressed you up in that cute little skirt-”</p>
<p>“<em>Jay</em>,” Chad whined, his length twitching appreciatively. “I wasn’t- I’m not supposed to-”</p>
<p>“You can wear whatever the fuck you want,” Mal growled, grinding down against him. “If you wanna be our pretty, sweet girl, you can be, and if you wanna be our prince, you can be that too.  Fuck whoever told you different.”</p>
<p>“B-But,” Chad stuttered. “I- that’s <em>weird</em>.”</p>
<p>“Not weird if it makes you feel good, baby girl,” Jay murmured, making Chad moan again.  “If you feel cherished dressed in silk and lace, then that’s what we’re gonna fucking get you.”</p>
<p>“But I’m- I’m supposed to be um- <em>tough</em>,” Chad crooned as Mal rocked herself faster. “M-Manly.  This is- this just proves-”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t prove <em>shit</em>,” Mal snapped. “What you like in the bedroom has no reflection on how tough you are.” What was her life that she was giving a pep talk during sex and still finding it one of the best intimate experiences of her life?  “You think Jay’s tough, right?” Chad shivered, nodded. “Well, he likes being my pretty little pet all the time.”</p>
<p>“Fuck yeah, I do,” Jay hummed somewhat dreamily. “The prettiest.”</p>
<p>“Doesn’t mean he can’t kick everyone’s ass,” Mal said. “Doesn’t mean you can’t either.  Now-” She shuddered at a particularly hard <em>grind</em>. “Did you enjoy the pretty dress you wore in Wonderland?”</p>
<p>“Um- ah- y-yes?” Chad gasped.</p>
<p>“Did you like your ruffled panties?” Mal continued, and this should be stupid but she felt invigorated, <em>renewed</em>.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I- I liked those too,” Chad admitted, ducking his head bashfully. </p>
<p>“Did you like it when Ben showed you off to all those people?” Mal asked. “When he pulled your panties down?  Did that make you hot?”</p>
<p>“Yes, <em>yes</em>,” Chad moaned. “It shouldn’t-” </p>
<p>“<em>Dipshit</em>,” Mal sighed. “Stop judging your damn kinks.  What makes you happy in the bedroom reflects back on literally <em>no</em> other parts of your life.”</p>
<p>“Unless it’s illegal,” Jay chirped. “But you’re a good guy so you shouldn’t have issues navigating those boundaries.  So just like, cut yourself a break,” Jay said, kissing his shoulder. “It’s really no one’s business what you enjoy.”</p>
<p>“Now,” Mal said, squeezing down on him vindictively and feeling herself get close. “Are you ready, sweetheart?”</p>
<p>“<em>Mal</em>,” Chad whined, shaking his hips. “Yeah, I’m gonna-”</p>
<p>“Do it,” Mal ordered, rutting herself down <em>hard</em>. </p>
<p>Her head fell back when Chad unloaded into her, the prince inhaling roughly at the sudden barrage.  He cooed his way through it, Mal squeezing him the entire way, the heat growing higher and higher, until-</p>
<p>She felt <em>herself</em> fall apart, and that in itself was delicious but there was something else too, an additional heat, and belatedly Mal realized that her mushroom was gushing, had urged forward just enough to line up with the head of Chad’s dick-</p>
<p>“<em>Mal!</em>” he crooned when it shot slick directly <em>into</em> his softening length, which… sort of fixed the problem of it getting softer. “Mal, <em>Mal</em>-” he groaned as it continued to fill, making him hard again.</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” Mal hissed, climbing off of Chad. </p>
<p>Her mushroom popped out like an obnoxious taunt, seeming determined to urge as much goo into Chad as possible before Mal ripped herself away.  She curled up on her side, the mushroom brushing against Chad’s thigh, leaving a trail of <em>whatever</em>, while Chad wavered hard against his stomach, seeming fuller than before.</p>
<p>“It’s so hot, so full, I can’t-” Chad scrambled to get a hold of himself, his length seeming determined to jerk away from his fingers in wild motions.</p>
<p>“Stop, just <em>stop</em>,” Mal said when that was causing him more discomfort, and eventually she grabbed his wrists and pinned them above his head so his damn dick would just stay in <em>one</em> place. </p>
<p>“I need, I need, I need it gone,” Chad was chanting. “It’s like- Mal, it’s like before.”</p>
<p>“When before?” Mal asked, staring at his throbbing length.</p>
<p>Chad shifted uncomfortably. “When um… when the uh- mushrooms came out…”</p>
<p>It took a hard moment for Mal to fully process the implications of his words. </p>
<p>“Are… do you feel some inside you?” Mal asked, half in disbelief, only her question was answered a second later when Chad’s legs parted with a terrible whine, a familiar green stalk pressing his slit wide until a <em>tiny</em> mushroom bloomed from the tip of his dick. </p>
<p>“<em>Mal</em>,” Chad croaked as it started growing out of him. “Mal, <em>please</em>-”</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Mal soothed, waiting for the mushroom to fall out, only for it to be replaced by a bigger one. “Jay, can you do something?”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Jay said, furrowing his brows in concentration, he held his hands up, the red glow that surrounded them a little darker than before. “I could probably speed up the process.”</p>
<p>“<em>No</em>,” Chad croaked as the mushroom slowly <em>dragged</em> itself out of him. “No, I can’t- I can’t- I’m not supposed to-”</p>
<p>“Let me guess,” Mal interrupted. “You’re not supposed to have sex with dudes.”</p>
<p>“I can’t be a <em>sissy</em>,” Chad moaned, angling himself away from Jay before he flinched, head falling back with a croon when the current mushroom seemed to… retract back into him, a slow drag before it <em>thrust</em> itself back out, then was pulled back in…</p>
<p>Ah, it was fucking his dick in punishment, Mal guessed.  Sadistic little fungus. </p>
<p>“Again,” Mal sighed. “Do you think Jay is a sissy?  Because he’d have sex with just about anyone.”</p>
<p>“Yep.” Jay grinned unrepentant. “Who you’re attracted to doesn’t make you weak.”</p>
<p>Chad flushed. “B-But my grandpa-”</p>
<p>“Again, with this guy,” Mal said, rolling her eyes.</p>
<p>“He’ll disown me,” Chad continued. “Because then I can’t produce an heir-”</p>
<p>“Then marry a girl,” Mal said. “There’s no reason you can’t sex it up with dudes before then.”</p>
<p>“Especially if you enjoy it,” Jay said. “And um…based on what happened in Wonderland-” Chad shuddered. “Yeah, you liked it.”</p>
<p>Chad considered this, or maybe he was just trying to weather the constant stimulation of his dick getting fucked by a mushroom that was slowly but surely getting bigger.</p>
<p>“Chad,” Mal sighed.</p>
<p>“Okay, <em>okay</em>,” Chad crooned. “Okay, I- I like- I enjoy having sex with Jay,” he admitted. “Now please, mushrooms, <em>stop</em>.”</p>
<p>And just like that, they started bursting out in an enthusiastic stream that had Chad babbling nonsense, his hips flexing against nothing as he essentially came tiny mushrooms. </p>
<p>The sounds he made only got sweeter when Jay got his hands on him, started pumping him in earnest.  <em>Then</em> the damn things shot out in barrages, Chad moaning all the while.</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” Mal said when it was finally over, fanning herself as Jay pumped Chad through the last of it.  “Hell.”</p>
<p>“Oh, hey,” Jay said, hand drifting lower, and it took a moment for him to realize that he was peeling off the mushroom protrusion that had been attached to Chad back in Wonderland.  Jay pulled it off like it was nothing, the small mound reforming into the shape of a typical mushroom. “Can you feel anything?” he asked Mal, stroking the tip.</p>
<p>“Nope,” Mal drawled, halfway between annoyed and relieved.  Her dumb mushroom was still very much attached to her body, happy to rut against Chad’s leg.</p>
<p>“Hey, don’t be like that,” Jay sighed. “We’ll figure it out soon.  Until then, let me just-”</p>
<p>“Jay,” Mal warned, but he was already pushing her legs wide, eager to get his mouth around the mushroom and swallow it down.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Chad gasped from his position curled beside them, his length twitching. “<em>Guys</em>.”</p>
<p>“Sorry, sweetheart,” Mal sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Promise this is the last time today.”</p>
<p>“<em>Please</em>,” he murmured, but then he broke into a pretty flush when Jay really got going, and Mal was half torn between savoring the ride and watching Chad’s expression.</p>
<p>Well, no reason she couldn’t do both.</p>
<p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p>
<p>Mal was pissed at Carlos.</p>
<p>It wasn’t his fault, by any means.  While he was the one who had called her for the status update (which essentially came down to him saying ‘<em>I’m sorry I can’t hack the Central Auradon government servers</em>’), she was the one that insisted on extra precautions when guarding their stuff, which was why Carlos was bent over the back of the couch in the first place.</p>
<p>While they had yet to do any random searches in the VKs’ rooms (something that amazed Mal), it was important to keep their shit in difficult, hard to reach places.  That was why they had pushed the boys’ couch back against the wall.  It was why Mal had enchanted a compartment at the baseboard of the wall.  It was why Carlos was hunched over the back of the couch, straining as he sorted through the compartment as he searched through his gadgets for a thing that might have a lead for them, leaving his bottom half swaying to and fro in front of Mal in a ceaseless taunt. </p>
<p>“Sorry,” Carlos muttered for like the third time, his butt giving a tiny wiggle as he readjusted. “I must have pushed it to the back.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine,” Mal said, as though she was not memorizing the pert curve of his rear as his shorts shifted tight against him as an added <em>fuck you</em>.</p>
<p>She would have growled at him to just take everything out, or better yet, just move the couch out of the way and be done with it, but <em>no</em>, Mal enjoyed torturing herself.  She liked the vision of Carlos posed there like an offering, her mushroom throbbing pointedly as it urged to slide between those cheeks.</p>
<p><em>Ugh</em>, Carlos would look so good riding her.  He’d <em>feel</em> so good, being all bashful and responsive but no, Carlos was not her fucking toy, he was her clever pet.  He was one of the smart ones and she kept him around to do smart things and she wouldn’t insult his intelligence by dragging him into her lap and fucking him senseless, even though she wanted to. </p>
<p>She wasn’t like the other crew leaders who just took what they wanted with no regard for their crew’s feelings.  It was a point of pride for her.  Mal played with Jay because he was obviously interested (all day, every day, so reliably horny – that one).  It wasn’t an arrangement she had with Carlos and Evie, who as far as she knew had expressed no desires for exploring carnal pleasures, much to Jay’s perpetual despair. </p>
<p>And now Mal’s. </p>
<p>Carlos strained again, reaching out for something that caused his butt to thrust high in the air, wiggling again like he knew Mal’s mushroom was begging to be freed from her pants. “Just um- a few more minutes.  Maybe.”</p>
<p>“<em>Maybe</em>,” Mal echoed, dragging herself closer to the couch even though she knew it was a terrible idea. “You’re not sure?”</p>
<p>“Um…” Carlos was only half paying attention to her, most of his focus on his search, and that should be infuriating too, or maybe humbling.  He trusted her not to hurt him, but he’d also put himself in a purposefully vulnerable position and <em>wasn’t</em> paying attention to her, which could be perceived as dismissive.  Such things were a punishable offence.</p>
<p>Mal found she quite liked the prospect of punishing Carlos.  Or maybe just rewarding his damn brains out. </p>
<p>“Maybe if you held my hips?” Carlos said, shattering Mal’s thoughts like a hammer. “Then I wouldn’t have to worry about keeping my balance.”</p>
<p>Fuck Mal’s life.  Fuck it until the end of time.</p>
<p>“Fine,” Mal huffed, striding forward until she could slide onto the couch, perching on her knees behind Carlos.  She let her hands settle around his hips, thus stabilizing him, but also bringing herself that much closer to temptation. </p>
<p>“Thanks, Mal,” he said, getting back to squirming.  “It’s just far in the back.”</p>
<p>“You really need a better organizational system,” Mal declared, staring at his butt. </p>
<p>It was <em>right there</em>. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Carlos sighed. “Evie said the same thing.  I just- with everything going on…”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Mal hummed, knowing what he meant.  Life in Auradon had been a rough adjustment before the stupid mushroom, she knew Carlos, who was doing the bulk of the work on the wand front, was likely stressed out of his mind. “I get it.”</p>
<p>“It’s stressful,” Carlos said. “Evie says I need to just relax, but I don’t know how.”</p>
<p>“You don’t?” Mal hummed, knowing she was at the end of her restraint. “I think I have an idea.”</p>
<p>“You do?” Carlos asked, holding still. “What?”</p>
<p>“If you’re tense, you need a massage,” Mal declared, releasing her hold on Carlos’ hips so she could slide her hands lower, moving to squeeze his butt.  <em>Yes</em>, it was so perky. “Like this.”</p>
<p>“<em>Mal!</em>” Carlos squawked, thrashing slightly in her hand. “That’s my-”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Mal said, continued to knead and squeeze it, reveling in the lean muscle. “And from where I’m sitting, it has a lot of tension.  In fact-” She slipped a hand in front of him, cupping it between his legs and grinning at the minor interest she found waiting there. “I think this is tense too.”</p>
<p>“S-Sorry,” Carlos whimpered, shaking when she started massaging his groin. “I- I know I shouldn’t um- I-”</p>
<p>“It’s fine, Carlos,” Mal assured him, like she had any room to talk. “It’s a natural response.”</p>
<p>She reveled in the feel of him stirring to life – not quite as big as Jay or Chad but still firm and responsive, Carlos shivering with each careful grind. </p>
<p>“Here,” Mal said, reaching up to undo his shorts until she was dragging them and his underwear down in one easy movement. “<em>Perfect</em>.”</p>
<p>“Mal!” Carlos shivered again. “You can’t-”</p>
<p>“I can do what I want,” Mal hissed, sliding her fingers between his cheeks and murmuring a familiar spell against his pale skin. </p>
<p>Immediately he was wet and twitching, Carlos letting out a drawn-out moan in response. “W-What was…?”</p>
<p>“Sex magic,” Mal hummed, feeling triumphant as she started fingering him in earnest. “What a cute little hole you have, Carlos.”</p>
<p>“<em>Mal</em>.” Her name came out embarrassed, though the hand she had on his trembling member already communicated how interested he was in the affair.  “Is… Is this the um- stuff you do with Jay?”</p>
<p>“Sometimes,” Mal hummed, narrowing her eyes in suspicion.  While she and Jay had never made an effort to hide their arrangement, they hadn’t exactly been open about it either. “Sometimes he wants me to fuck him so good he can’t remember his own name.”</p>
<p>The length in her hand pulsed, Carlos letting out a deep sound of want that went straight to Mal’s dumb mushroom.  At the rate this was going, it was going to shove over the top of her pants whether she aided the process or not. </p>
<p>“You like that?” Mal asked, slipping another finger into Carlos. “Do you want me to fuck you?”</p>
<p>“Yes- <em>please</em>, Mal,” Carlos gasped. “Please.  I- I know I’m not as good looking-”</p>
<p>“Who the fuck said you weren’t good looking?” Mal asked, pumping the hand between his legs harder as a sort of retaliation.</p>
<p>“Just-” Carlos choked.  “I mean- he’s all strong and I’m just- scrawny-”</p>
<p>“Who said you were <em>scrawny</em>?” Mal hissed, scraping against that bundle of nerves she knew would drive him wild.</p>
<p>“It’s just- fact,” Carlos gasped, which meant he’d come to that conclusion on his own. “T-That’s all.  You- you never look at me like that.”</p>
<p>“Because I respect you,” Mal murmured, hating to be so openly candid but realizing it was what Carlos needed. “I didn’t want to insult you by asking for too much.”</p>
<p>“Is that why you don’t- you don’t look at me?” Carlos asked, clenching hard around her fingers. “I just- I want- <em>please</em>, I can be good.  I wanna be yours too, like Jay.”</p>
<p>“Then you’ll be mine,” Mal growled. “Clever little genius, think I won’t give you presents?  You deserve the damn world.”</p>
<p>“Mal,” Carlos croaked.</p>
<p>“Hold still,” Mal ordered, fumbling with her pants. “I’m gonna-”</p>
<p>It was an awkward position, but that didn’t matter much when she was <em>finally</em> able to slide the mushroom into Carlos’ heat, the young De Ville thrashing at the vibrating stimulation.</p>
<p>“Mal!” he crooned, shifting back against her, urging more of the mushroom inside. “W-What-?”</p>
<p>“Magic,” Mal hissed, grabbing his hips and <em>yanking</em> him flush against her, grinning at the satisfying slide of the mushroom. “Like it?”</p>
<p>“Yes, yes, <em>yes</em>, Mal,” Carlos panted. “It’s so- it feels so good, so hot-”</p>
<p>And it was changing, pulsing wide before shooting bursts of slick inside Carlos before retracting so it could thrust ruthlessly into him again.  Mal held on for dear life, letting her mushroom take what it needed while she pumped her hand steadily between Carlos’ legs, the tech twitching and crooning all the while. </p>
<p>“<em>Mal</em>,” he groaned when the clear slick started to squish out of him around Mal’s mushroom.  “I’m- I’m gonna-”</p>
<p>“Hold on-” Mal said, and then she was yanking him back, planting him hard atop her lap and letting him slump back against her chest. </p>
<p>He let out an incoherent cry when he landed, face flushed and bottom lip swollen with bite marks.  He was gorgeous this way, legs spread wide and inviting, Mal working his length while she bit at his shoulder, letting her mushroom do the work of thrusting in and out of him.</p>
<p>“Mal-” Carlos panted, voice dropped in a warning. “<em>Mal!</em>”</p>
<p>He clenched down hard around the stalk and fell to pieces, making a mess of his shirt.  Mal guided him through it, rutting up into him with pleased pants when she felt the mushroom shrinking, the green unloading bursts of delicious slick as it went.  It shrank back into her clothes while she finished milking him dry, and was pleased to have it recede entirely back into her by the time they were finished. </p>
<p>“…<em>wow</em>,” Carlos said, collapsing back into Mal’s hold. “Um… that was… was that okay?” he asked, looking up at her with a bashful expression, his cheeks flushed and eyes glazed with want.</p>
<p>Mal ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, pup,” she said, nuzzling his shoulders. “That was okay.  Anytime you want to play, just let me know.”</p>
<p>He wouldn’t ask if he hadn’t been doing good work.  He wouldn’t think to, so it wasn’t like Mal would have to be stingy with her affection.</p>
<p>“T-Thanks,” Carlos said, flush darkening. “And um… you- do you think I’m um- good looking?”</p>
<p>“You’re fucking adorable Carlos,” Mal snapped.  “I mean, look at you,” she said, cradling his softened length. “You’re <em>mine</em>, of course you’re pretty.  If anyone tells you otherwise, I will punch them in their dumb fucking face, so…” she trailed off, her mind getting a bit clearer. “Now that you’ve gotten what you wanted; did you actually have an update for me?”</p>
<p>Carlos froze. “Sorry,” he said, his voice coming in an apologetic babble. “I um- I wasn’t sure, but I thought- I mean, I overheard one of the other kids talking about doing something similar-”</p>
<p>“So you were just going to shake that cute butt of yours in my face until you got some kind of reaction,” Mal deduced. “Well, it worked.  Like all your other plans.”</p>
<p>Carlos seemed embarrassed by the compliment. “I um… didn’t actually expect it to.”</p>
<p>“Let me make it up to you,” Mal declared, gathering Carlos in her arms.  He was slight enough that a little magic-enhanced strength had her lifting him easily. “We can have bathtub fun time, and you can tell me if you’re interested in playing with Jay.”</p>
<p>Who had been yearning for Carlos in a way that could only be considered ‘pitiful’ for like, ever.  It was actually kind of sad.  Mal made fun of him for it almost every day.  It was one of the dependable things in life.</p>
<p>“Jay?” Carlos echoed with a squawk. “You don’t- you don’t have to force him to- I mean, I knew you were a stretch-”</p>
<p>“Carlos, once I give Jay the all clear on you, you are going to be ravished nonstop,” she said, setting him on the edge of the tub while she started it up. “He has been wanting to play with you for a long time, so unless you’re ready to deal with that kind of attention-”</p>
<p>“I want it,” Carlos said, blushing when he realized he’d interrupted. “I mean- I- please?”</p>
<p>Mal sighed.  Curse her stupidly cute and talented crewmates.</p>
<p>“Fine,” she said, beginning to strip him from the rest of his clothes. “It’s your funeral.”</p>
<p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p>
<p>“What I’m getting from this is that I can now kiss Carlos,” Jay deduced after Mal had sat the boys down in their room to explain the newest development in their crew dynamics. “And I can wake him up with blowjobs and shower with him and let him ride me until the cows come home.”</p>
<p>“Assuming he’s interested,” Mal said. “If he’s <em>not</em>-”</p>
<p>“You’ll kill me if I touch him, yes, I know,” Jay said, nodding distractedly before his gaze slid over to Carlos. “Are you interested now?”</p>
<p>“<em>Um</em>.” Carlos blushed bright red. “Sure, but- <em>Jay!</em>”</p>
<p>“I told you,” Mal sighed when Jay lunged for the young De Ville’s pants, undoing them in practiced movements so he could start mouthing at Carlos underwear. “Ravished <em>all </em>the time.”</p>
<p>“<em>Jay</em>,” Carlos crooned when his underwear was pulled down, seeming in disbelief when Jay swallowed him in one deft movement while Carlos whined. </p>
<p>Yep, it was a pretty sight.  So pretty that Mal was going to go find Chad and play with him, seeing as her mushroom was going to be interested in this soon either way. </p>
<p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p>
<p>“Check it out,” Jay said, seeming <em>entirely</em> too proud of himself. “Enchanted panties.”</p>
<p>He held up the lacy material – pretty silk colored in a nice dark plum, which Mal appreciated for its luxury but hated for its distinct lack of practicality.</p>
<p>“What’s enchanted about them?” Mal asked, folding her arms across her chest just in case Jay hadn’t understood that she was not impressed with his efforts to get her into Auradon lingerie.</p>
<p>Jay grinned. “They’ll keep your <em>you know</em> from showing,” he said, motioning to her crotch. “And um- should retain any of that clear stuff that it discharges.”</p>
<p>“Retain it,” Mal echoed. “So it won’t get rid of it.”</p>
<p>“Hey, I’m not that good,” Jay said, smile dimming slightly. “I’m a self-taught sorcerer, cut me some slack.”</p>
<p>“So,” Mal huffed. “For the record, I put on those and my potential predicaments won’t be visible to the outside eye?”</p>
<p>“Correct,” Jay chirped, holding the panties up in a sort of obnoxious taunt.</p>
<p>“You couldn’t have enchanted boy shorts?” Mal grumbled, snatching the material from his hand.</p>
<p>“Could I have?  Yes,” Jay hummed. “Did I?  <em>No</em>.”</p>
<p>“You’re an obnoxious shit who tests the boundaries of my patience,” Mal informed him, stalking towards the bathroom so she could trade out her underwear.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, I’ve got twelve more pairs just like them!” he called out from behind her, and Mal promptly gave up.</p>
<p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p>
<p>Mal looked cute in the panties.</p>
<p><em>Obviously</em>.  Because she was an objectively good-looking person and purple always looked good on her so there wasn’t anything particularly necessary about admiring herself in the mirror because the lacey garments were dumb indulgences suited for princesses, not Mal. </p>
<p>But maybe it was fun to pretend for a bit.  After all, Mal was a queen in her own right. </p>
<p>The garment was useful, at the very least.  Sort of.  They were also a bit of a tease.  Normally when the mushroom felt like getting jiggy it would surge, press relentlessly against the soft fabric of her underwear until it was her zipper that held it in place.  The panties themselves acted like their own protective shield, allowing for little wiggle room, literally, so much so that the mushroom seemed annoyed by this state of affairs. </p>
<p>In retaliation, it would grind itself relentlessly against the magic fabric when it was worked up, would vibrate and twitch side-to-side, up and down, whatever could give it the most friction since it couldn’t go out.  Its girth would expand, pressing Mal wide until she strained against it, and sometimes it would slide deeper in her, nudging against <em>that</em> particular spot like a fucking taunt.  No one could see it moving, but that didn’t mean Mal wasn’t going crazy.</p>
<p>“Had to make some for Chad too,” Jay said with a mournful sigh that was entirely for show. “Since you kept getting worked up.”</p>
<p>“<em>Not my fault</em>,” Mal hissed, stomping away like the mature daughter of evil that she was.</p>
<p>If it was anyone’s fault, it was Evie’s. </p>
<p>For just like- existing, and being stupidly pretty and talented and sweet all the time.  Evie put a lot of effort into her appearance (not that she needed it), and it showed. She was always so meticulous about her routines and her makeup and her clothes and Mal hated it and also loved it because that was part of what made Evie <em>Evie</em>, but it also made vapid shitheads who would never appreciate how fucking smart she was look her over like she was some kind of meal.  And worse, they would never even think to act on it because despite being the fairest of them all, Evie was from the Isle, and thereby undesirable by their stupid Auradon standards. </p>
<p>Unless they were collecting masturbation material though, and then they’d fucking stare to their heart’s content.</p>
<p>It pissed Mal off, but lots of things pissed Mal off.  It was her default state of being. </p>
<p>“What do you think, Mal?” Evie asked, holding up the dress she was currently working on. “Is it princess material?”</p>
<p>“It’s perfect,” Mal said, genuinely meaning it.  Just about everything Evie made was perfect, it was her inherent skill.</p>
<p>A pretty flush dusted across the princess’ cheeks. “Thanks,” she said, her head ducking slightly. “It’s just so nice to work with material that isn’t falling apart.”</p>
<p>“Better get used to it,” Mal ordered. “Because that’s all you’re getting for now on.”</p>
<p>It earned her another pleased flush, which was sort of a problem because nowadays it seemed like almost everything Evie did went straight to Mal’s crotch.  And it wasn’t even teasing things, like Carlos or Jay, it wasn’t purposefully flirtatious.  She would smile and Mal would feel herself pulse, twitching in anticipation for <em>what</em>, she did not know.  Evie would express delight over a new food or experiment with a new hair style or try on nine different colors of lipstick one right after the other, puckering her lips and smooshing them together until she blew a kiss to her mirror and the stupid mushroom would go crazy, thrashing against the enchanted fabric of Mal’s panties. </p>
<p>Were she a more tactical person, Mal would spend less time with Evie, since her presence obviously wasn’t helping.  But Mal was a greedy thing, and she wasn’t going to let a dumb mushroom dictate how much or little she got to see her best fr-henchman – so near she’d stay, pretending to read her spell book or sketch something while Evie thrived in the simple wonder of Auradon. </p>
<p>“Do you think we can do it?” Evie asked innocently, starting to sew on another panel of fabric. “Get the wand, I mean?”</p>
<p>“I think we can do whatever we set out minds to,” Mal said, and it wasn’t like she was just regurgitating what all those posters in Fairy Godmother’s office said, she actually believed it. “Because we are wicked and clever and resourceful.”</p>
<p>Evie pursed her lips, lost in thought but Mal twinged from it, felt the mushroom gush a relentless stream that got caught in the fabric of her underwear, the slickness smearing up against her pelvis. “Do you think we <em>should</em> get it?” Evie asked, chewing on her lip.</p>
<p>Her underling doubting their masterplan really shouldn’t have been a cause for any kind of arousal, but Mal had always appreciated Evie’s thoughtfulness – the way she never sat back and simply took orders.  She considered all sides of a plan in order to best implement a strategy, and the mushroom sang from it, buzzing happily as it expanded within Mal, releasing another burst of slick, and then another. </p>
<p><em>Fuck</em>, each gush sent rivulets of hot need up Mal’s torso, heat pooling uncomfortably low between her legs. </p>
<p>Fucking mushrooms. </p>
<p>“What’s the alternative?” Mal asked, playing the devil’s advocate with a bored sort of disinterest.  She wanted Evie to think she was humoring her rather than hanging on her every word, because that kind of open adoration was just pathetic.  Reserved for someone like Harry Hook, who pretended he wasn’t ready to hump Uma’s leg at any given moment when he most certainly was.</p>
<p>The mushroom’s mature response to this was to start thrusting furiously against her panties, rutting and shaking against the fabric as it continued to coax out new streams of goo.  At this rate, her underwear was full of the shit, and since it couldn’t leak out, it just kept pressing against her skin. </p>
<p>To distract herself, she pressed on. “We stay here as Auradon’s lapdog’s?  Play by their rules and have no real power?”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t take it to that extreme,” Evie hummed, make a tendril of pride curl in Mal’s chest, because of course Evie wouldn’t be contented with merely standing by and doing nothing. “We’re smart, determined people, like you said.  I think… I think we can be more than our parents’ lackies.” As though Mal would have ever stooped to that. “I don’t think we should drop the barrier, Mal.  You and I both know there are some people that need to stay there, but… I think we could maybe convince Ben to get the rest of the kids off.  And the petty criminals.”</p>
<p>It took a lot of courage to say that much, a lot to openly disagree with Mal’s plan, especially since she had magic now.  But Evie did just that, sitting poised and perfect behind her sewing desk, purposefully putting herself at a height disadvantage out of deference to Mal, and she didn’t seem even the slightest bit afraid.  Not because she doubted Mal’s capabilities, but because she believed in what she was saying.</p>
<p>It was an objectively attractive quality, so Mal wasn’t surprised when the mushroom pulsed furiously, enough to make her hips shake.  Slick burst out so hard it slid back inside her, surging up the sides of the mushroom until it was gushing deep inside, filling her up.  Some slid between her cheeks, which should have been gross but the ooze left behind a stinging heat that had her entrance flexing eagerly, happy to be coated in the dumb slime.</p>
<p>And it didn’t seem to show signs of stopping, the mushroom continuously gushing and filling Mal under the weight of Evie’s brave stare.</p>
<p><em>Fuck</em>.</p>
<p>“It’s less of a guarantee,” Mal said, forcing herself to keep her attention averted as though she was only half interested. “But… I think it has promise.”</p>
<p>“You do?” Evie asked, a slight crack in her mask, because she hadn’t actually thought Mal would side with her.</p>
<p>She hadn’t believed it, but she’d tried anyway. She’d felt <em>obligated</em>. </p>
<p>The slickness thrust so deep Mal thought that she might burst.</p>
<p>“I do,” Mal said, nodding. “We’ll discuss it at our next group meeting, the benefits of being… <em>good</em>.  Or at least not entirely evil.  We’ll make a new plan from there.”</p>
<p>Evie stared at her like she was a wonderous thing, like Mal had done something that was in any way special.  “T-Thank you, Mal.”</p>
<p>“Don’t get mushy on me now, Evie,” Mal said, rolling her eyes, and the mushroom seemed to object, thrashing spastically enough that Mal’s legs almost crumpled beneath her.  She managed to stay upright though, gritting her teeth with a not quite snarl. “Think I’m gonna go visit the boys,” she growled. “Don’t wait up.”</p>
<p>She didn’t wait for a response before she teleported to a very eager Jay’s room.</p>
<p>“You’ve got Chad in the shower,” was how he greeted her, sweeping her off her feet before dragging her towards the bathroom. “Because he’s so wet.”</p>
<p>“Shut up and rub me off,” Mal ordered, and it wasn’t <em>really</em> a relief when Jay got her clothes off because the mushroom grew stupidly big, reveling in its freedom and Mal reveled in its growth so that <em>she</em> was the one gushing, though she could still feel those juices deep within her, stirring around. </p>
<p>“As you wish,” Jay murmured, and then he got to work.  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you guys so much for the feedback!!!  It really is a comfort to know that this crazy, weird train is worth getting on!  We’re almost to the end now, but really, this is just the beginning ;D</p>
<p>Until next time :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Happiest of Endings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Woah,” Jay said the next day when Mal greeted him in the early hours of the morning, Carlos enchanted to sleep just a little bit heavier than usual so she could confront Jay. “What happened to your boobs?”</p>
<p>“I don’t <em>know</em>,” Mal hissed, motioning to the weighty mounds that had replaced her usual, perky chest.  “They fucking ballooned up overnight and they feel so fucking full they hurt.”</p>
<p>“Full?” Jay echoed, unashamedly groping Mal’s chest as he took in the new development.  “Like, with mushroom juice?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Mal hissed, wiggling uncomfortably. “They just feel full.”</p>
<p>“Does this help?” Jay asked, and it was amazing how quickly he could devest her of her sleep shirt, exposing her torso so he could pinch and pull at her nipples that seemed to swell up under the attention. </p>
<p>“N-No,” Mal hissed, warmth stirring in her loins. “Or- maybe a little, but not-”</p>
<p>“What about this?” Jay asked, and he started massaging the big boobs directly. </p>
<p>Mal’s back arched, her body washed over with a flood of sensation that both stung and aroused, felt her breasts pulse like ticking time bombs but remain firm in their size.</p>
<p>“Fucking <em>hell</em>, Jay,” Mal snapped, pulling out of his hold. “Here.” She shoved her usual bra into his hand. “Enchant this so I can get through class in peace.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think ignoring this is the best way to tackle the problem,” Jay said, but he followed her bidding, enchanting the fabric with furrowed brows. “Do you know what could have made them swell up?  Does it have to do with yesterday, when you were so wet?”</p>
<p>“I doubt it,” Mal said, cutting off with a moan when her mushroom slammed against her panties, grinding down with a quiver to let her know its disagreement. “Okay, fine, it probably has to do with that.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, mushroom,” Jay said, having the audacity to wink at Mal’s crotch while she shrugged into her bra.  “So what set you off?  Was Evie doing something sexy?  Like, eating a banana sexy?”</p>
<p>“Despite your best hopes, Evie is never going to deepthroat a banana,” Mal said, hissing as she shoved her boobs into the bra.  They revolted, of course, seemed to dislike being compressed to their normal state, but Mal sure as hell wasn’t walking around with giant boobs.  Knowing her luck, people (Audrey) would think she magiced them big on purpose to catch Ben’s eye or something.</p>
<p>Fun fact: Mal went out of her way <em>not</em> to do that.  Ben stared at her anyway.</p>
<p>It was but one of many frustrations in Mal’s life.</p>
<p>“So she was just sweet and charming and stuff, like usual,” Jay deduced. “And your private parts liked that.”</p>
<p>“We’re not talking about feelings,” Mal declared, grinning when she managed to show her boobs who was boss.  It hurt like fuck, of course, but she looked normal, and that was what mattered. </p>
<p>Jay let out a dramatic sigh that she was pretty sure he’d learned from Audrey.  Or maybe Jane.  “You know, if you talked about this stuff, maybe it would go away.”</p>
<p>“Pretty sure the dumb mushroom juice is going to do whatever it wants,” Mal grumbled, already over the dull throb in her chest as she slid her sleep shirt back on. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jay sighed again. “But if you work with it-”</p>
<p>“I’m going now,” Mal said.</p>
<p>“Back to Evie,” Jay sang in an obnoxious voice, and Mal spared the attention to punch his arm before she teleported back to her room, that just <em>happened</em> to have Evie in it. </p>
<p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p>
<p>As though her boobs were not tedious enough a problem to deal with, it just so happened that the school was buzzing with the news that Ben had broken up with Audrey.</p>
<p>Mal knew this because Lonnie had decided to brave their table for the acquisition of gossip, which Mal was pretty sure she’d still hunt after if she had to face down an <em>actual</em> dragon.  Mal would give her this, the girl was dedicated.</p>
<p>“Has Ben asked you out yet?” was how Lonnie greeted them, setting her tray down on their table like she belonged there rather than the actual fact where she joined them once every few days for her own amusement and Mal allowed it because Evie had asked her to.</p>
<p>And it was Evie, of course, that connected the dots first, though to be fair, Carlos was slow in the mornings. “Did Ben break up with Audrey?”</p>
<p>Lonnie shot the princess a sly look. “They say it was mutual,” she hummed. “But we all know that’s just to save face.  Audrey wouldn’t release her talons from Ben if she didn’t have to.”</p>
<p>Mal grinned, pleased at Audrey’s misfortune (that was what she got for trying to undermine Evie at their first meeting), then paused to actually consider the question that had started it all. “No,” she grumbled, stabbing her eggs. “Ben hasn’t asked me out, and he’s not going to.”</p>
<p>Jay sighed.  It was like, his calling this morning. “He likes you.”</p>
<p>“Then he’s <em>stupid</em>,” Mal snapped. “Because I’m an asshole.  This isn’t an opposites attract situation, this is a stupid asshole playing with actual fire.”</p>
<p>“What I’m hearing is someone’s going to get burned,” Lonnie chirped, seeming absolutely gleeful by this prospect. “<em>Please</em> let me know how it goes.”</p>
<p>Mal shot her a look that she hoped expressed just how very much she was uninterested in maintaining any kind of personable relationship with Lonnie.  That they had only ever interacted because she had money Evie wanted and Mal was a sucker for Evie. </p>
<p>“It’s not going to happen,” Mal simply repeated when Evie aimed a disappointed pout her way. “If Ben’s looking for an upgrade, he should ask out Evie.”</p>
<p>Now Evie was sighing. “Not gonna happen, Mal,” she said gently. “He likes you.”</p>
<p>“Which, I repeat, is stupid,” Mal hissed. “And I’m already on Audrey’s shitlist just for <em>existing</em>.  I’m not going to date her dipshit ex-boyfriend-”</p>
<p>“The guy who brought us over here,” Carlos muttered under his breath, having enough coherency to bring the sass because he was reliable like that.</p>
<p>“Exactly,” Mal said. “And, you know, to keep him from sending us back because I’m an asshole, I’m definitely not dating him ever.” She leveled a fork at Lonnie. “You can quote me on that.”</p>
<p>“What about Chad?” Jay asked, deciding to stir the pot because he was being a little shit that morning. “Would you date him?”</p>
<p>Mal shifted her gaze to follow Jay’s finger, spotting the blond prince who was eating by himself, as was his standard, looking entirely sad and pathetic but trying really hard not to be. </p>
<p>In that moment, Mal found herself infuriated by his stupid isolation.</p>
<p>She got up before she could think about it, storming over towards his table in a frustrated glide.  She slammed a hand down on his table, getting his attention with a few startled blinks.</p>
<p>“I’m tired of this,” she said simply, shoving his book into his backpack and zipping it in efficient movements. “You’re going to sit with us for now on, okay?”</p>
<p>“But…” Chad blinked at her. “But I’m too dumb-”</p>
<p>“No, you’re <em>fucking not</em>,” Mal growled, shouldering his backpack and picking up his tray.  “Now, come on.”</p>
<p>“O…kay.” Chad flushed but followed dutifully after her, sliding into the free chair by Mal (she and Jay sat on the outside so Evie and Carlos would be protected, it really was just a matter of practicality). </p>
<p>Lonnie recovered first. “Hey, Chad,” she greeted with a wave of her fingers. “How you doing?”</p>
<p>“Um… better,” Chad settled on.  He shifted uneasily in his seat, and with a sigh, Mal slid her hand into his and squeezed it, because if they were doing this <em>good</em> shit, she may as well get to take advantage of it.</p>
<p>He startled again, but recovered faster, grinning a dopey little smile before he turned back to his food, pleased.</p>
<p>“We bonded during the fieldtrip,” Jay explained.</p>
<p>“You did?” Evie asked, confused. “Why didn’t we hear about it?”</p>
<p>The question was impertinent, and therefore ballsy, so of course Mal’s mushroom pusled in approval. </p>
<p>The downside was that her boobs did too, which hurt substantially more.</p>
<p>“Because his grandpa’s an asshole,” Mal grumbled, picking up her fork with her left hand so she could continue eating. “But I have decided I no longer give a shit about that.”</p>
<p>“So you’re dating now?” Lonnie asked.</p>
<p>Chad turned bright red. “I- I mean, if Mal wants-”</p>
<p>“<em>Fucking</em>.” Mal set her fork back down so she could drag her hand across her face. “Chad, there’s nothing wrong with you.  If you want to date or whatever, we can date.”</p>
<p>“But what about Jay?” Chad asked.</p>
<p>Mal looked to the ceiling for patience while the rest of the table froze, Lonnie seeming to almost vibrate in her excitement.</p>
<p>“I suppose we can date him too,” Mal decided in a huff.</p>
<p>“Wait,” Carlos said. “That’s not fair.  I want to date you guys too.”</p>
<p>“Fucking <em>fine</em>.” Mal threw her hand up in the air. “The four of us will date.  <em>Done</em>.  And if Ben knows what’s fucking good for him, he’ll ask Evie out.”</p>
<p>“You can’t threaten him into asking me out, Mal,” Evie sighed while Lonnie perked up like she’d gotten the scoop of a lifetime.</p>
<p>“I can try,” Mal hissed, and then she went back to eating, trying not to smile at the arm Jay wrapped around Carlos’ shoulders, or the delighted grin that had settled on Chad’s lips, the blond happier than she’d ever seen him.</p>
<p>So maybe it wasn’t conventional for Auradon, but it worked for them.  That was the only thing that mattered. </p>
<p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p>
<p>The news of Mal’s new relationship spread through the school like wildfire, which for once was an acceptable distraction, as her classmates’ annoying murmurs could at least pull her focus away from the growing pain in her chest. </p>
<p>Mal made it all the way to eighth period before things finally got to their breaking point.  Her nipples had been going crazy, sliding and twitching against the fabric of her bra, but it had gotten steadily worse as the day progressed.  It was eighth period that the dam seemed to break, and the pain was finally replaced with slow, prolonged gushes of slick that dribbled steadily out of her.</p>
<p>That was how Mal realized that Jay had cut some corners with her early morning enchantment.  His spell kept her breasts in place but hadn’t accounted for leakage, which she was doing steadily now.  It wouldn’t take long before the liquid soaked through the material of her bra, through her <em>shirt</em>, leaving telling stains which really wouldn’t help her popularity at all. </p>
<p>Her one stroke of luck was that eighth period was a study hall, so it wasn’t hard to cut it short, abandoning the library so she could retreat to the safety of her dorm.  Her breasts ached, ached to the point where each pulse didn’t seem to bring any kind of relief.  If anything, it made things worse, enough so that Mal found herself hunching over on the bottom floor of the dorms, the half-Fae trying to catch her breath before she made her way towards the girls’ wing.</p>
<p>“Mal?” It was Ben, of course.  Stupid <em>Benjamin Florian</em> that found her leaning against the wall, cursing the world. “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“I’m great,” Mal hissed. “Peachy.”</p>
<p>“No offense but um… you don’t look great,” Ben said, stepping closer when he should really just be walking away. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something, but maybe I can escort you to the nurse instead?  Or-”</p>
<p>He cut off, his entire body seeming to tense as his pupils dilated, his nose twitching in a tell-tale sniff.</p>
<p>And then he was in her space, close but not touching. “You um- smell good,” he informed her.  Before she could snap at him to <em>fuck off,</em> he seemed to realize what he was doing and jerked away. “Oh- I am- I’m so sorry, but I-” His gaze shifted low, to Mal’s breasts, before his face heated furiously. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”</p>
<p>“Don’t sweat it,” Mal growled before she pushed herself into motion, marching down the hall as her boobs seemed to bounce in resolute taunts.  It was a bit of a relief to finally get to the door to her room.</p>
<p>It was less of a relief when Ben followed her. “You… You smell…” He seemed confused, but definitely flushed. “I don’t know how to explain but um- are you- are you um…” His flush darkened when Mal unlocked the door and pushed her way inside. “Are you leaking?”</p>
<p>“Fucking hell, Ben,” Mal snapped, scowl deepening when Ben blindly followed her in.  She shut the door on principal and marched to the middle of her room, trying to figure out how to get him to leave. “It’s none of your business if-”</p>
<p>She cut off with a crow, her legs seeming to collapse from under her as her breasts surged dramatically.  They threatened to spill out of the top of her bra, and it seemed the slickness had mitigated some of the enchantment because she felt the moment her nipples popped out of the top, the rest of her breasts surging to be even fuller than that morning, pushing the bra down out of the way like it was nothing.</p>
<p>It was a lewd picture, the stupid swollen breasts and hard nipples straining against the wet material of her shirt.  She didn’t really blame Ben for staring, it really was a scene.</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” she hissed, squeezing her breast and shuddering when a stream of goo leaked from it, smearing down her abdomen. </p>
<p>“Fuck, Mal,” Ben said, dragging a hand across his face. “Do… Do you need help?”</p>
<p>Mal wanted to snap <em>no</em>, but her shirt was getting uncomfortably tight, or maybe her breasts were just getting too large, straining against the fabric until it rucked up her stomach. </p>
<p>“Yes, yes, <em>fine</em>,” Mal said, taking a fucking hint. “I just-”</p>
<p>Ben was on his knees beside her in a moment, wrestling her wet shirt off with enough dexterity that Jay would be proud.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Ben said, seeming dazed as he stared at her swollen, leaking breasts. “I… I um- could I suck-?”</p>
<p>She throbbed, and Mal knew what the answer was. “Yes,” she hissed, gasping when Ben ducked in to do just that. </p>
<p>He took his time licking her breast clean, blushing furiously with each swipe of his warm tongue.  Eventually he wrapped his lips around one of the swollen nubs, sucking carefully and shivering at the burst of warm goo that immediately coaxed out.</p>
<p>“<em>Ben</em>,” Mal moaned, shaking in his hold. </p>
<p>It was fucking stupid, this entire situation was stupid and she was so fucking hot but his mouth did things to her, and if that wasn’t enough, his long fingers settled around her other nipple to milk that in careful movements, his hand cupping her breast in something like reverence when he should just be a stupid horndog like Jay was.  He shouldn’t be showing her this much consideration, she was a villain kid.  Her mother was the worst of the worst.  He shouldn’t be this <em>nice</em>.</p>
<p>And yet, he was, moving so very carefully as he moaned around her, like he was drinking the sweetest nectar there ever was. </p>
<p>It wasn’t long before he switched, starting the process all over again until Mal was trembling in his hold, letting out low moans as she felt her breasts slowly but surely return to their usual size.</p>
<p>“<em>Yes</em>,” Mal gasped, cupping the back of Ben’s head as he continued his steady administrations. “Yes, just like that, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>He shivered hard against her, letting out a low moan as he eagerly pressed on.</p>
<p>He didn’t stop until Mal had nothing left to give, until she had returned back to her normal size.  Until the pain had faded away into nothing but the happy remnants of delight.</p>
<p>Only then did Ben pull away, moving so that he was gasping against her shoulder, seeming to try and steady his breath.</p>
<p>“Wow,” he said, his hands curled around her hips as he tried not to look her over. “Um… do you- I’m so sorry.” He flushed. “This um- wasn’t how I envisioned seeing a girl shirtless for the first time.” Before Mal could make a smart comment, he continued, “Was… was that a Fae thing?”</p>
<p>The magic swelling breasts that leaked mysterious goo that he had <em>definitely</em> lapped up?</p>
<p>“Yes,” Mal declared, deciding to latch onto the lie. “It um… hadn’t acted up like this, though.”</p>
<p>“That’s… quite a problem to have,” Ben said awkwardly, his cheeks seeming dusted in a permanent flush. “I don’t… I promise, I don’t know what came over me.  It was like the scent just-”</p>
<p>“Hey, I get it,” Mal lied, waving him off. “I have weird Fae shit, you have weird beast shit.  It’s fine.”</p>
<p>Except for the part where it would now be way more difficult for Mal to target Ben’s sights on Evie.  But Mal was nothing if not persistent.</p>
<p>Mal was about to attempt the first of many arguments when the door swung open, revealing Evie, who seemed as cheerful as always until she caught Mal and Ben kneeling together on the floor, Mal very much shirtless and Ben very much packing his own telling heat between his legs.</p>
<p>“Oh good, you’re here,” Mal said, sliding her soaked bra into place and ignoring the damp shirt on the floor. “Ben, you should ask Evie out.”</p>
<p>“<em>Mal</em>,” Evie snapped, actually snapped, which she never did because she was a creature of endless patience. “What the hell?  Chad is <em>relying</em> on you.  Do you know how happy he is to date you?”</p>
<p>“He’s ecstatic because his expectations are super low,” Mal said, refusing to feel uneasy. “And I promise he won’t give a shit about this because it’s not going to happen again.”</p>
<p>“It’s not?” Ben asked, seeming confused. “I mean, of course. I had actually wanted to ask you-”</p>
<p>“Because Ben’s going to date <em>you</em>,” Mal declared, earning an exasperated sigh from Evie which was also a thing she didn’t do.</p>
<p>“Mal…” Evie tutted, striding angrily towards her desk so she could dump her bookbag there.</p>
<p>“I’m serious, Ben,” Mal said, turning to address the prince himself. “Evie’s the fucking best human being I know.  She’s so damn smart, and thoughtful.  She’s not going to rush into shit because she thinks things out carefully beforehand – <em>every</em> possibility because she doesn’t want to make a mistake.  She wants to do her best so she’s careful.  And she just- she loves reading, and learning, and could probably live in a library if she didn’t also have the urge to create everything.  She just- she <em>loves</em> sewing, Ben.  And she loves sewing not only for herself, but for us.  She likes dressing us up and we love wearing her clothes because she cares so damn much about how we feel about ourselves.  Like-” Mal struggled for an explanation. “She’s generous, and sweet, even if being sweet gets you killed on the Isle, she’s sweet.  She’s so fucking happy to be here in Auradon because she can wish people a good day and not have to worry about getting stabbed for it and she can tutor kids and make dresses and fucking <em>walk through gardens</em> that aren’t rotting and she doesn’t have to worry about getting harassed by drunk assholes or someone who doesn’t understand how truly wonderful she is, Ben.”</p>
<p>Mal ran a distracted hand through her hair.</p>
<p>“Honestly,” Mal continued.  “<em>Honestly</em>, she is the best person.  She knows all the court etiquette and she’s a great mediator because she never gets mad and if I could give her a kingdom I would, but I can’t.” And Mal hated herself for that. “If I could give her the damn world, I’d do it, because Evie is the greatest thing that was ever produced by the Isle.  And- wait-” She shook her head. “No, she and Carlos and Jay- and Dizzy, you don’t know her, but they- they’re <em>great</em>, Ben.  And you shouldn’t waste time staring at me when you could be staring at her and admiring <em>her</em> because she’s so good, and… and…” She struggled to find the right words. “And you could hold her hand every day, because she deserves it, and hug her and smile at her and tell her she’s doing an amazing job because she is but <em>I</em> can’t do that shit for her because I’m an asshole, just like I wouldn’t be able to do it for <em>you</em> because again, <em>I am an asshole</em>.”</p>
<p>By the time she got through with the rant she found her eyes warm with a sort of heat she’d abandoned a long time ago.  Tears had never gotten her anything, but here she was now, ready to cry over the fact that she would never be able to give out the love and affection she wanted to the people she cared about most in the world.  She wasn’t built that way, she wasn’t like Evie or Ben or Chad, or even Jay or Carlos.  She was a mean, cruel thing.  It was in her blood. </p>
<p>“Stop saying that,” Evie said, her voice desperate and low. “Stop saying you’re an asshole.”</p>
<p>Mal rolled her eyes. “Well, I am.”</p>
<p>“No, you’re <em>not</em>,” Evie snapped. “An asshole wouldn’t have demanded Chad sit with us; an asshole wouldn’t have held his hand because it made him smile.  They wouldn’t spend like, three minutes making a list of their friend’s qualities to talk them up for a date.” Evie seemed to be tearing up herself. “An asshole would have left Chad wandering the woods alone, and wouldn’t have magically changed girls’ hair to buy material for someone else to use.  They wouldn’t care if Carlos was eating or root for Jay at each of his Tourney games or draw pictures of us to make us smile.  Those are not the qualities of an asshole because no matter what your mother said to you – you, Mal Bertha, are <em>not an asshole</em>.”</p>
<p>“She’s right,” Ben said, his voice quiet, careful. “One of the reasons I was so drawn to you was because of how protective you are of your friends.  You don’t fight much for yourself but if any of them seem slightly threatened, you’ll throw down to the bitter end.  You’re so kind to them, even though you act rough with everyone else because you expect them to treat you like… like your mom.” He pressed his lips together in a distinct look of unhappiness. “You’re not used to the world being kind to you, so you’re the fighter for your group, you take on battles so they won’t have to, act mean so Auradon can focus on you while they get to live in peace.   Mal…”</p>
<p>He stepped closer, and though his gaze was on Mal, he still snagged Evie’s hand to drag her closer too, until they were all huddled together.</p>
<p>“You’re right.  Evie’s amazing.  Carlos and Jay and Chad, they’re all amazing too, and I’m not surprised because they’re yours, and you’re a pretty amazing person yourself.” He offered her a dopey grin. “I broke up with Audrey in the hopes that I could have a shot at you.  I knew the odds weren’t in my favor, but I thought I’d try.  Now…” he trailed off with a wry grin. “If I could have the privilege of loving the people you love, I would be deeply honored for the opportunity.”</p>
<p><em>Love</em>.  He said love and a small, miniscule part of Mal wanted to snarl at him because she was a villain and villains didn’t <em>do</em> love, but-</p>
<p>But she was also faced with the irrefutable fact that she loved Evie.  That she had loved her for a very long time.  That she loved Jay and his dumb plans and Carlos and his smart ones and she even loved Chad’s bashful smile and muted hopefulness.</p>
<p>Mal was hard and bitter and rough around the edges, but she was capable of love.  She <em>did</em> love.</p>
<p>“Fuck,” she said, dragging the two of them into a hug. “Evie-”</p>
<p>“I know,” Evie said, petting a hand through her hair. “At least, I’d hoped.”</p>
<p>“I love you,” Mal crooned, because she owed her that much. “And Ben, I don’t- I don’t know what you’re getting out of this-”</p>
<p>“You guys,” Ben said like it was the easiest thing in the world. “I’m getting you guys, which is a pretty big gift.”</p>
<p>“And don’t you ever forget it,” Evie told him.</p>
<p>In light of that, Mal couldn’t help but cry, couldn’t help but shake into their hold, relieved, but most of all <em>happy</em>.</p>
<p>She had something, and it was hers.  She could keep it.  She could have it without fear of it getting taken away.</p>
<p>And she would never take it for granted.</p>
<p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p>
<p>Later, after they’d called in the others and confirmed (to Carlos and Chad, who still seemed entirely wary) that they were all dating and yes, Ben knew what he was getting into and yes, he agreed that they should get more kids off the Isle and yes, they were all great – Mal would retreat to the bathroom for a moment of peace. </p>
<p>It seemed crazy to be finally given a sort of resolution that Mal hadn’t even realized she was looking for.  But now that it was there, she couldn’t be happier.  Yes, Jay was still an idiot, but now she could kiss him and mean it – and the same applied to all the others.  She didn’t have to keep her distance, she could just love them, the way she’d been wanting to for years, the way she likely always had.</p>
<p>Mal was splashing water on her face when she felt it. </p>
<p>Well, not really felt it.  The mushroom had been a part of her for so long that its presence was a constant that she’d numbed herself to, and yet for whatever reason in that exact moment, she couldn’t help but be aware of it. </p>
<p>It was sort of like how things had been when Jay had first eased it into her.  Hard to ignore a fucking mushroom pressing at your insides.</p>
<p>But did that mean-</p>
<p>Mal wasted no time shoving down her pants and underwear, sliding a finger between her folds to easily curl around the head of the mushroom.  She paused, stroking it carefully, then grinned like a damn maniac.</p>
<p>Because she hadn’t felt anything.  Nothing had been transmitted.  Nothing-</p>
<p>She pulled it out and it was easy, no fighting, no movements.  For all intents and purposes, it seemed like a harmless mushroom and it just popped right out of her.</p>
<p>Mal stopped.  Stared.</p>
<p>The bane of her existence for so many weeks was resting in her hand.  </p>
<p>Holy fuck.  <em>Holy fuck</em>.  She did it.  The damn stupid thing had wanted her to work out her relationship issues.  And she couldn’t even be fucking mad at it, because it had worked. </p>
<p>“Clever minx,” she whispered as he pulled her clothes back in place, delightfully empty for the first time in weeks. “Guess I owe you, though.”</p>
<p>The mushroom did nothing as she rinsed it off, harmless, satisfied now that its job was complete. </p>
<p>With her body now fully restored to its old state of being, it was easy to walk into the room with a bounce in her step, the mushroom curled lazily in one hand.</p>
<p>Jay spotted it first. “Is that…?”</p>
<p>Evie blinked. “Where did you get a Wonderland Mushroom?”</p>
<p>“Found it at the bottom of my purse,” Mal lied. “Jay and I might have gotten a bit off course during our field trip, got a handful of the things for your scientific review.”</p>
<p>“Mal,” Ben chastised from his spot wrapped around Chad’s back. “You shouldn’t mess with that stuff.  Wonderland can be tricky.”</p>
<p>Yeah, didn’t she fucking know it.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry,” Mal said, setting the mushroom on one of Evie’s petri dishes. “I have no intention of messing with the stuff.”</p>
<p>“Hey, we should cuddle to celebrate,” Jay chirped, waving an eager hand out her. </p>
<p>He was likely happier than Mal was, because as little as he’d spoken of it, Mal knew he had felt guilty about Mal’s state.  Felt like it was his fault and yeah, that was partially true, but Mal had made a lot of poor decisions as well. </p>
<p>“Sure,” Mal said, not grumbling because she didn’t have to, leaning greedily against his side because she could. </p>
<p>They were in Auradon now, anything was possible.</p>
<p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p>
<p>“Hey,” Jay whispered later that night, when they were all curled in bed together (even Ben, who hadn’t taken nearly as long to strongarm into breaking the rules as Mal thought he would). “You know who could use one of those mushrooms?”</p>
<p>“Just tell me, sweetheart,” Mal said.  Now that she could use pet names against Jay, she did so at every possible moment because it always made him so delightfully flustered.</p>
<p>Even in the dark with him curled against her back, she knew he was getting all bashful. “Audrey,” he murmured, his lips brushing against her shoulder.</p>
<p>Mal let out a soft laugh. “Don’t think her go-to move will be to shove it in her vagina.”</p>
<p>“Maybe we could disguise it as a vibrator,” Jay hummed. “Or a new beauty treatment?  A <em>rare</em> beauty treatment?  I mean, it helped you.  It could probably help her.”</p>
<p>Mal thought about this.  Audrey was obnoxious, but Mal also saw a lot of herself in the princess, the parts that had been mean as a retaliation against the world, the parts that were stressed in working up to the universe’s expectations of her. </p>
<p>At the very least, the sex might loosen her up.  Figuratively. Perhaps also literally, but that wasn’t the important part. </p>
<p>“Okay,” Mal decided, grinning at the prospect of new schemes.  “I guess it couldn’t hurt.”</p>
<p>“So long as it’s not hurting,” Jay murmured. “Because we’re good guys now.  Can you imagine that?”</p>
<p>“Don’t have to.” Mal grinned. “Because we are them.  Now, go back to sleep.”</p>
<p>“‘Kay-kay,” Jay yawned, relaxing against her as he did just that.  </p>
<p>This was contentment.</p>
<p><em>This</em> was peace.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And thus brings the first (of many ;D) climactic climaxes to an end, lol.  Thank you so much to everyone who has stuck around for this crazy journey.  I can’t express just how much I appreciate your feedback, especially for something as unquestionably weird as this.  I don’t have that many Mal-centric rough drafts, but you made this first attempt significantly more anxiety-free than it could have been, and I deeply appreciate that :)</p>
<p>Next I will be posting the Deleted Scenes, and I’ve gotten far enough ahead in my editing that I’m gonna go ahead and post the first chapter of the next story in this Wonderland Series, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30325467/chapters/74751210">'Trapped in this Fabulous Show'</a>. </p>
<p>It’s Audrey-centric and picks up almost exactly where this one leaves off.  It is also, as you can guess, going to be a whole load of sexy nonsense with a dash of feelings because that’s just where we are now.  I hope you enjoy it ^_^<br/>Until next time :)</p>
<p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p>
<p>‘I should, I wish I could, maybe if you were, I would, a list of standard issue regrets.  One last eighty proof, slouching in the corner booth, baby it’s as good as it gets.  Oh such grace, oh such beauty.  So precious, suspicious, and charming and vicious – darling, you’re a million ways to be cruel.’ – ‘A Million Ways to Be Cruel’ by OK Go</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Deleted Scenes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Because I tend to write my stories out of order, sometimes I come up with scenes that don’t quite fit in the final version of the story.  Below are a handful of these.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <span class="u">Alternate Storyline –Ben asks Mal out</span>
  </strong>
</p>
<p><span class="u">Notes</span>: <em>One of the things I played around with involved Mal not acknowledging her attachment to her crew.  It made it so that when Ben broke up with Audrey and asked her out, she said yes because she was still trying to position herself in a manner that would best enable their plan.  I ended up resolving a lot of the VKs’ issues before we ever got to that point though, which was why this was eventually cut, but it did lead to a different set of Mal/Ben sexy times, as well as offered some foreshadowing to a story mechanic that will be repeated a couple of times through this series. </em></p>
<p>
  <em>The following series of scenes culminate in a sort of alternate ending – Mal and Ben’s date impacting the rest of their resolution.  I decided to cut it because it wrapped up too many things in a neat bow, and I had the feeling that there were at least a few more stories in this series to explore, and I didn’t want to cut off potential avenues for angst.  You know how it is, we always bother the ones we love ;) </em>
</p>
<p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p>
<p>Mal was pretty sure she hated Benjamin fucking Florian. </p>
<p>Mostly because he had a perfect pink princess as a girlfriend and he dumped her so he could hang out with <em>Mal</em> of all people, even though Ben insisted that wasn’t the case.  Insisted that he and Audrey had ‘<em>naturally come to the end of their time together</em>’ or some shit, like he hadn’t been fucking Mal with his eyes since the first time he saw her.  Like <em>Audrey</em> would ever willingly let go of him.</p>
<p>But he was single, and he wanted Mal, and Mal needed to get someone on her crew up on the altar for coronation, so she was the one that was forced to carry the particular burden that was dealing with Ben’s peppy enthusiasm for more than two minutes at a time. </p>
<p>The date was stupid.</p>
<p>It was stupid because Evie insisted on making Mal an entirely new outfit for it, and that <em>entirely new outfit</em> just so happened to not have pants.  Pants.  Mal needed <em>pants</em>.</p>
<p>“You’re dating a prince,” Evie giggled as she took another thorough examination of the finished product on her dress form. “You’re dating <em>the</em> most important prince.  You need to dress the part.”</p>
<p>“But wouldn’t he want me for me?” Mal asked, trying to play on that Auradon good-natured <em>feeling</em> bullshit.</p>
<p>Evie hummed, but still cut an unimpressed look at her. “You’re wearing the dress,” she said simply.</p>
<p>Were Mal a bigger asshole (and she was an asshole, just like, if she was a <em>bigger</em> one), she would have snarled at Evie for being so presumptuous, for daring to order her to do anything.  She would hiss and assert her dominance, maybe shove the princess to the ground and bite her for good measure.</p>
<p>But Mal wasn’t Maleficent.  She wasn’t any of the has-been villains back on the Isle that threw their weight around just for the sake of it, who had to because they felt so insecure with their place in world.  Mal was <em>Mal</em>, and she selected her crew because they were the best of the very best – the most clever and resourceful and strong, and she respected them to call her out should she fumble, because as great as she was, she knew that she was far from perfect. </p>
<p>There was also the fact that Mal enjoyed making Evie happy, which was an irritating weakness from time-to-time, but Evie <em>had</em> already made the dress.  She may as well use it.</p>
<p>“This is a terrible idea,” Jay said when she was getting ready, Evie banished to Carlos’ room on the fakest of missions. “And that’s coming from me.”</p>
<p>“It will be fine,” Mal huffed, sliding the enchanted cup in place.  That should keep a handle on her dumb mushroom situation. “Evie made this dress for me-”</p>
<p>“The material’s too flimsy,” Jay insisted. “At least wear shorts or something underneath.”</p>
<p>Mal glared at him, motioning to the dumb dark purple panties Evie had shoved into her hands before leaving. “She got me these too.”</p>
<p>“I’m not saying take them off,” Jay said. “I’m just saying maybe you need a bit more protection-”</p>
<p>“It will be fine, Jay,” Mal huffed. “Chad said that Auradon dates are tame.  At most, we’ll go out to eat and then he’ll bring me back.  It’s hardly exciting, and if it is-” she tapped the front of the panties where the cup was nestled inside. “<em>This</em> will take care of it.  Now go and keep an eye on Chad, and I swear, if you two start <em>f</em>ooling around-”</p>
<p>“We won’t!” Jay said, holding up his hands in surrender. “I promise.  We’ll be totally boring and stay five feet apart at all times.”</p>
<p>“Even if I get worked up and transfer it to him,” Mal said. “Do <em>not</em>-”</p>
<p>“I won’t,” Jay promised, but Mal was pretty sure that was a lie, because whether he knew it or not, Chad had Jay wrapped around his cute little finger.</p>
<p>Mal had been sort<em> of</em> right about the harmlessness of the date.  It had been a picnic, it just required Mal to ride on the back of a moped for thirty minutes while she consciously had to keep her hips away from Ben’s butt.  Five minutes in and she was grateful for the cup, already felt herself get worked up, the mushroom swelling innocently to life before it pressed hard against the enchanted padding. </p>
<p>She was wet too, but Ben hopefully wouldn’t notice that.</p>
<p><em>Ugh</em>, the afternoon was already terrible. </p>
<p>Things sort of got better on their picnic, where Mal passed small talk and tried to discern Ben’s motives for asking her out and entirely failed, thus having to deal with his dumb stupid earnestness that she hated but the mushroom liked because it kept fucking <em>leaking</em>. </p>
<p>“Wanna go for a swim?” Ben asked, casually stripping out of his clothes.</p>
<p>Yeah, no fucking <em>thank you.</em></p>
<p>“I’m good,” Mal said, trying not to stare but ultimately staring because Ben might be a string bean but he was packing heat.  And Mal just- she hated, because he was muscular but Jay and Chad were fucking muscular too, she didn’t have to stare at this asshole and feel all hot and tingly and wet-</p>
<p>Well, it was a relief when he finally left to go jump off his boulder or whatever.  Auradon was so fucking dumb. </p>
<p>He had crowns on his swim trunks.  Were they custom ordered?  Were only princes allowed to wear the tiny crown swim trunks?  Or was it just Ben?</p>
<p>Unwillingly, Mal was struck with the vision of Chad wearing the same swim trunks, the blond getting swarmed by royal guards who demanded its <em>immediate removal</em> and stripped them off him right then and there, Chad babbling embarrassingly all the while…</p>
<p>Ugh, she did not need to think these things when she was in public, when only two thin pieces of material and an enchanted cup were between her mushroom greeting the light of day. </p>
<p>It was a nice thought, though, the guards getting a bit handsy because who wouldn’t want to sneak in a grope on Chad?  And part of Mal raged at the thought of them touching what was hers and part of her was thrilled that her Chad was so desirable, so responsive, so <em>cute</em>.  Obviously in the daydream she would slit their throats for daring to touch what was hers, but then she and Jay could make it up to Chad right there, in front of everybody, making sure they knew who made Chad moan the right way. </p>
<p>Fucking- <em>stupid dates</em>.  Her mushroom was pulsing against the cup in an uncomfortable way now, thoroughly worked up over the vision of Chad.  It shifted restlessly inside her in a retaliatory tease, working in and out in light ruts like a taunt, egging Mal to get more worked up.  She couldn’t because she was with Ben, watching him swim for some damn reason and daydreaming about his swim trunks when she <em>should</em> be talking up Evie to the stupid prince.  Obviously. </p>
<p>Mal scanned the lake for her wayward ‘date’, mostly to check how far away he was.  Given enough distance, she might be able to sneak in a quick fondle, just something to take the tension off-</p>
<p>She couldn’t see him.</p>
<p>Anywhere.  She couldn’t see the most important dipshit in the entire kingdom of Auradon and she was the <em>only one there</em>.  If she went on a date with Ben and did not come <em>back</em> with Ben, it was going to be her damn head on a chopping block.</p>
<p><em>Fuck</em>.</p>
<p>Mal did the only responsible thing she could do in that situation and channeled her inner Jay.  I.E., she did the <em>worst</em> possible thing and jumped in the lake without thinking, intending to wade out until she either found a prince or the dead body of a prince she would have to find a way to resuscitate somehow.  You were never too young for necromancy, she guessed.  Maybe <em>that</em> would impress her mother.</p>
<p>She made it as far as leaping into the lake before things went wrong.</p>
<p>Because her mushroom <em>liked</em> the lake. </p>
<p>A lot.  She was about waist-deep in the water and she felt the moment the plant seemed to absorb it, felt a sharp thrill shoot through her body like lightening before it expanded inside Mal ruthlessly.  Not just wide, it was- she could feel it <em>fucking</em> her, buzzing and rutting in and out, curling in a deep <em>J</em> to scrape the delicate territory that drove her wild. </p>
<p>And that was bad enough, but the jump seemed to have caused her cup to slide because she felt herself burst out of <em>that</em>, sliding up and out of her panties and <em>quivering</em> in the enchanted lake water before it started pulsing wildly, working itself up and down as though an invisible hand was taking her pretend length for a spin.</p>
<p>“Damn, damn, fuck, <em>shit</em>,” Mal croaked, feeling for the bulge under the soaked material of her skirt and trying to shove it back into her underwear.  But the more exposed to the water it was, the bigger it got, making Mal gasp and whine helplessly. </p>
<p>“Mal!” And <em>there</em> was Ben’s dumb voice, the prince worried as he swam over to her, because maybe he’d just been underwater or some shit.  Maybe he had breath holding contests just for funzies because he was an idiot who had free time to waste doing such things. “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“I’m <em>great</em>,” Mal snapped, her legs shaking. “Hey um- just go back to swimming.  I’ll just- I was afraid you were- but you’re fine, so-”</p>
<p>She cut off with a choked gasp when she felt the mushroom pulse, was grateful for the sodden material of her skirt that could hide the stupid excessive release. </p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” Ben asked, moving closer when Mal really just wanted him to go away. </p>
<p>“Nothing’s wrong!” Mal snapped, trying to move back and feeling one of her legs crumple beneath her.  And just like that, Ben was lunging forward, gathering her in his arms. “Put me down, I’m <em>fine</em>-”</p>
<p>“I’ll put you down on dry land,” Ben insisted his brows furrowed together in concern. “Do you have a fever?”</p>
<p>“I’m not <em>sick</em>.” At least not like that, though Mal did feel better when Ben set her on the stone dais.  Unfortunately, there was no way to really hide her predicament now that she was out of the water, not that Ben seemed to notice because who would even think to look for such a thing?</p>
<p>As though objecting to this, the mushroom <em>pulsed</em>, making Mal’s legs spread wide with a moan, head falling back as it teased against the wet material of her dress.</p>
<p>And then Ben’s gaze went down. </p>
<p>He paused, seeming not quite able to believe the vision before him, and then flushed bright red. “Um.”</p>
<p>“Yes, <em>fine</em>,” Mal snapped, trying to hold onto her rage so she wouldn’t surrender to humiliation. “Laugh at the fairy freak.”</p>
<p>“Hey- no,” Ben said, seeming to shrug out of his bashfulness to be all noble and kind, like it was engrained in his bones. “No one’s laughing.  There’s nothing wrong with you.”</p>
<p>“Think I beg to differ,” Mal growled, motioning between her legs. “How many people do you know that get this worked up over some magic water?”</p>
<p>“You might be a unique experience, but that doesn’t make it wrong,” Ben declared, almost as stubborn as Jay as he climbed out of the water. “And um… I know this is forward for a first date, but um- would you like help?”</p>
<p>“What,” Mal deadpanned, even though her dumb mushroom seemed to tremble in delight at the prospect.  “<em>No</em>, I’ll just-”</p>
<p>A surge, and then the damn thing was big enough to make a sizeable tent in her wet skirt, making Mal’s head fall back with a moan.</p>
<p>“Fine,” she snapped. “Yes, whatever, just…”</p>
<p>“Does um… it always do that?” Ben asked, shifting behind her and Mal should object, but she was sort of distracted by her mushroom’s deliberation to grow bigger or just torture her with slow quivers.  “Change size, I mean.”</p>
<p>“I was under the impression yours also changed size,” Mal snapped, letting out a small exhale when Ben dragged her into the V of his legs.  Oh, yes, that felt good.  Muscular string bean body – purely a physical appreciation though, it had nothing to do with Ben. </p>
<p>“Well, I um- I mean yes,” Ben said, one hand curling against Mal’s hip while the other sort of hovered over her dress-covered bulge. “But not like that.”</p>
<p>“It has a mind of its own,” Mal snapped, grabbing Ben’s hand and wrapping it around her.  The contact – even muted by the wet fabric – was enough to have her arching back against the prince, her hips shaking into his hand. “I didn’t- I didn’t know the water would-”</p>
<p>“Turn you on?” Ben offered, beginning to work her up in down in slow, prolonged movements. </p>
<p>“Y-yeah,” Mal gasped.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know it would either,” Ben said. “Or I wouldn’t have asked you to swim.  I didn’t- I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how much your Fae side would affect your biology.”</p>
<p>“Me and you both,” Mal snarled. “Coming to Auradon, all the magic in the air-”</p>
<p>“Is this… is this new?” Ben asked, casually interviewing her while working her over and on one hand Mal should be pissed but on the other a part of her admired Ben’s practicality.  This was often how she interrogated Jay as well. </p>
<p>“It didn’t happen on the Isle,” Mal snapped, which had the bonus of being true, just not for the reason Ben thought it was.</p>
<p>“..I’m so sorry,” Ben said, having the audacity to mean it. “I know this is a delicate subject, but you could always go to Fairy Godmother-”</p>
<p>“We are not <em>talking about this now</em>,” Mal hissed. “Ben-”</p>
<p>“Right,” he said, seeming to come back to himself. “Right. Um- I… you’re very pretty, Mal.”</p>
<p>“<em>Ben</em>,” Mal growled in a warning.</p>
<p>“No, I mean it,” he insisted. “This- this is part of you, and you don’t have to hide it from me.” He paused, and Mal wanted to hiss at him, but then he was sliding his hand under her skirt, getting direct contact against the mushroom until it <em>vibrated</em> in his hand, seeming to almost sing at his touch. “I um- I actually think it’s pretty cool.”</p>
<p>“Ben, you <em>fuck</em>,” Mal snapped, but then he was grinding his palm against the head of the mushroom, making it leak an excessive burst of slick that had Mal trembling.  “Don’t lie-”</p>
<p>“No, seriously!” Ben urged. “My dad- I mean, he says he doesn’t care, but he’s always pushing me to date girls instead of guys, and um- I mean, of course I’ve thought about it-”</p>
<p>The mushroom spasmed ruthlessly in Ben’s hand, taking Mal <em>and</em> the prince by surprise.</p>
<p>“Do you like that?” Ben asked, continuing to pump his hand up and down. “Thinking about me with other guys?”</p>
<p>“I have <em>eyeballs</em>,” Mal snapped. “You are hot. You and another dude would be hot.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Ben breathed, his chin hooking onto her shoulder. “Who are you imagining me with?”</p>
<p>Not fucking Jay and not fucking Chad because Mal didn’t have to imagine that, Wonderland had just given it to her.</p>
<p>“Jay or Carlos?” Ben asked, voice a light tease.</p>
<p>“<em>Jay</em>,” Mal said, her voice strangled. “He’d suck you down until you were a whining mess, clutching onto his hair, your legs over his shoulders-”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Ben breathed, and Mal could feel a distinct hardness press against her back. “Y-Yeah.  That’s um- a nice picture.”</p>
<p>“O-Or if you were in charge,” Mal continued. “C-Chad.  And you’d- you’d strip his clothes off nice and slow while he whined, w-whispering compliments until he was fit to come from dirty talk alone,” Mal gasped. “And then you’d pump the two of you together, growl in his ear while he thrashed-”</p>
<p>“<em>Yes</em>,” Ben said, his voice sounding entirely rougher than it had been before, a far cry from his usual composure as he started rutting into her back.  “I’d like that.”</p>
<p>“T-Try to imagine Chad in charge,” Mal breathed. “He wouldn’t know what to do, be all s-shy and bashful- determined and fumbling- he’d drive you crazy.”</p>
<p>“What about Jay?” Ben hummed. “Would he be submissive?”</p>
<p>“For you?” Mal laughed. “In a heartbeat.  He’d ride you like it was his damn job if you’d just let him.”</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” Ben cursed, spasming behind her.  “I need- I gotta-”</p>
<p>That was how Mal found herself pressed down against the dais; her skirt worked up enough to cause concern but Ben wasn’t looking down.  No, his swimtrunks were already pushed down his thighs.</p>
<p>He grabbed Mal’s leg, wrapping it around his waist until their lengths could slide together, which seemed to be all Ben needed as he determinately rutted them together.</p>
<p>“Mal,” he groaned, rocking them in earnest. “Mal, you feel so good.  T-Twitching against me-”</p>
<p>“<em>Ben</em>,” Mal crooned, because this wasn’t supposed to happen, she wasn’t supposed to discover Ben was secretly into dicks, that was not supposed to be her life.  “Ben, <em>Ben</em>-”</p>
<p>He felt so big, so <em>good</em> sliding against her.  She lasted about ten seconds before she wrapped her other leg around his waist, shifting hard against him so they could get some real friction.</p>
<p>“<em>Mal</em>.” The name came out strangled, Ben’s cheeks flushed and pupils dilated with want. “Oh <em>light</em>, it’s so hot- you feel so good, I wanna ride you, one day, I’m gonna ride you-”</p>
<p>“Ben!” The words seemed to seal Mal’s fate, making her come undone in a ruthless sort of way. </p>
<p>She twitched, the mushroom spurting into her skirt and against Ben and that seemed to trigger him too, until she could feel <em>his</em> warm slick spattering against her pelvis, against the dumb mushroom that was shrinking with every slide.</p>
<p>“Oh, oh, oh, <em>oh</em>-” Mal panted with each spurt, the shrinking sensation seeming to do her in just as much as the expansion. </p>
<p>“Oh, wow,” Ben said, dropping her legs so he could reach under her skirt and milk the dwindling stalk. </p>
<p>There was just about always a small curl of it sticking out of Mal, acting as a taunt, a warning for past mistakes, but this time it seemed pleased to follow Ben’s fingers, until it was retracting back <em>into</em> Mal, the prince firmly stroking Mal’s wet folds.</p>
<p>The prince paused. “Is that…?”</p>
<p>“Yep,” Mal said, too tired to be upset about the minor caresses because the mushroom was shrinking, it wasn’t stretching her wide anymore.</p>
<p>“And…” Ben slid a finger into her, and Mal would have cared but the mushroom was still retreating, almost like she was normal again, even if she could feel its slight presence buried deep inside her.  “Wow.”</p>
<p>“Yep,” Mal repeated. “Magic shrinking dick.”</p>
<p>“Hey, that’s neat,” Ben said, then seemed to realize he still had a finger <em>inside her</em> and hastily removed it. “I meant what I said, Mal.  That’s part of you, and there’s nothing wrong with it.”</p>
<p>“I think a lot of Auradon would disagree with you,” Mal grumbled as she put her clothing back into place, Ben flushing all the while as he moved to do the same.</p>
<p>“Well, they’d be wrong,” Ben said. “And um- I’m sorry for being so forward.”</p>
<p>“Believe me, I don’t mind,” Mal said. “I um- didn’t expect you to be chill about this.”</p>
<p>That made a somber look cross Ben’s face. “It’s not something you can help,” he said simply. “Just like your parentage.  You’re more than that, and you’re more than this, so…” He swallowed. “Would um- you be interested in another date?  One that doesn’t involve magic lake water?”</p>
<p>“Fine,” Mal said, even as she felt her small mushroom bean pulse in disappointment. “But I meant what I said about this thing having a life of its own.”</p>
<p>“And I meant what I said about liking it,” Ben declared, sort of all but confirming that Mal was fucked.</p>
<p>Figuratively and literally.</p>
<p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p>
<p>“What the hell happened?” Jay asked when they reconvened in his room later, Carlos relocated to cuddle Evie on Mal’s orders while an incoherent Chad sprawled out in the bathtub.  “That was fucking intense.”</p>
<p>“Ben um- might have discovered the thing,” Mal said, running her fingers through Chad’s curls. </p>
<p>The prince managed the effort to crack his eyes open, offering her a fond smile when he realized who it was before he promptly passed out again.</p>
<p>“What?” Jay squawked, low enough not to disturb Chad.  “He discovered-”</p>
<p>“Relax,” Mal urged, waving him off as she herded him back into the bedroom.  She left the door cracked open so Chad could have the privacy he wanted but still have them in sight, because he was particular about stuff like that. “He thinks it’s a Fae thing.”</p>
<p>Jay just sort of stared at her. “He thinks half-Fae’s have magic dicks,” he deadpanned, tone rife with incredulity.</p>
<p>Mal rolled her eyes. “It’s a misconception I don’t feel like clearing up, but look-” She pulled her skirt up, tugging her panties down to show off her lack of displayed mushroom. “He managed to get it to retract back inside me.”</p>
<p>“Huh,” Jay mused, and then because he was an obnoxious fuck, he got down on his knees to get a better look at her, one hand lifting up so he could caress her flushed folds.  They still tingled from earlier, seeming almost pleased by Jay’s presence, and Mal shouldn’t have been surprised when he urged a finger into her easily.  “Yeah,” he said, wiggling it around. “He really got it deep, didn’t he?  Do you know what he did, or does he just have the magic touch?”</p>
<p>“Can’t see his touch being more magical than yours,” Mal said, rolling her eyes again for good measure.</p>
<p>“No, but seriously,” Jay said, urging her back onto his bed, sliding her panties the rest of the way off so he could continue stroking her insides. “What did he do differently than me?  I can’t even feel the mushroom.”</p>
<p>“Fucking <em>I don’t know</em>,” Mal huffed. “He kept going on about how it’s a part of me and there’s nothing wrong with it and he likes all of me or whatever.”</p>
<p>“So it likes compliments?” Jay’s brows furrowed in thought. “But I compliment it all the time.  Hey-” He leaned down, hooking Mal’s legs over his shoulders so his mouth was right by the flushed lips of her vagina.  “Mushroom, I like the way you make Mal feel good.  I like how you make her all flushed and panting and make her slow down and actually enjoy things instead of working all the time-”</p>
<p>“We are doing an important job here, idiot,” Mal grumbled, feeling a small flare of warmth pulse through her core. “We need to work.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but we also need to play,” Jay countered with that dopey grin of his, because despite being one of the hardest working people she knew, his stamina to carry out jobs and collect for their crew and his father unmatched – he still assumed this devil-may-care attitude. </p>
<p>Mal suspected it was because if he wore it enough, he might actually come to believe it, despite worrying a great deal. </p>
<p>“<em>Mushroom</em>,” Jay sang, his warm breath caressing Mal in a tease. “I like how <em>sweet</em> you make Mal taste-”</p>
<p>“You haven’t been able to taste me in weeks, stupid,” Mal huffed, shivering at another flare of warmth.  “The mushroom’s been in the way.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, I’ve tasted Chad,” Jay said, as though Mal was not intimately aware with Jay’s adventures in pleasuring Chad’s fake genitalia. “Which is essentially the same.  But if you’re gonna argue about it-”</p>
<p>It wasn’t really a surprise when he leaned forward, lapping at Mal’s folds with a clever look.  He shot her a wink when she shivered, the Fae biting at her lip as she weathered Jay’s usual attentions.  While she had felt it via Chad, it was better when Jay was actually between her legs.  Better when he was here with her, working to make her feel good. </p>
<p>Obviously, it was better because Mal was more in control.  It was more of an assertion of her power, Jay catering to the needs of his leader.  He wasn’t doing this because there were sticky feelings involved, he was doing it because he was horny and he liked watching Mal squirm beneath him, and Mal was fine with the vulnerability because she ultimately got something out of it, and there wasn’t anything that needed to be looked into in that-</p>
<p>Jay almost jerked when the mushroom shoved back out of Mal, and she would have warned him, but she was too busy thrashing because it stretched so <em>big</em>.</p>
<p>“Okay, maybe mushroom doesn’t like that,” Jay said with a few sputters, but then his gaze went wide, staring at the throbbing mass between Mal’s legs. “Oh, boy.”</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” Mal snarled, glaring at the stupid thing as it jutted into the air, maybe half the size of a cucumber and still growing. “Fucking <em>stop</em>.”</p>
<p>“Please,” Jay added when the mushroom <em>surged</em>, a full cucumber sticking straight into the air, leaking furiously and Mal feeling <em>every inch</em> of it.  “Please stop growing, mushroom.  I won’t try eating Mal out again-” </p>
<p>It blossomed, thick instead of long, until it was far wider than a normal dick would be, throbbing just as unforgivably.</p>
<p>“Okay, I’ll eat her out a lot!” Jay promised, getting panicked. “I’ll suck on you now, but I can’t if you get bigger-”</p>
<p>It was so big.  It was so heavy.  It was so stupid, undulating under the weight of itself, seeming fit to burst with slick but when Mal got her hands on it, the thing only quivered, like a taunt. </p>
<p>“Come on,” she huffed, rubbing both hands up and down it, trying to provide some stimulation so it would shrink. </p>
<p>It was going to hang lower than her skirt, soon.  She definitely wouldn’t be able to shove it into her pants, and maybe she deserved this.  Maybe this was the universe further beating her down for having the audacity to be born to Maleficent.  Maybe her dumb half Fae anatomy <em>had</em> fucked with the Wonderland Mushroom to make it the nuisance that it was.</p>
<p>“<em>Please</em>,” Jay was saying, staring desperately at the growing, thick stalk. “Please stop, you’re hurting her.”</p>
<p>“I don’t hurt,” Mal snapped.</p>
<p>“Hurting your pride still counts as hurting,” Jay insisted, his gaze serious for once. “You’re hurting and it’s my fault because I wanted to do something nice for Evie to somehow show how much I appreciate her making clothes for us and instead of just saying that, I dragged you into Wonderland for a mushroom that is now torturing you so just- <em>please</em>-” he said, wrapping his arms around the mushroom because it was big enough for him to hug it, now. “Please, if you have to hurt anyone, hurt me.  It’s my stupid fault.”</p>
<p>Just like that, the mushroom stopped. </p>
<p>Mal paused, breath coming in harsh pants as she tried to evaluate the situation but… yeah, it had stopped, and it was still big, still held in Jay’s arms, but at least it wasn’t growing anymore. </p>
<p>“Mushroom?” Jay asked, stroking the very tip. “Are you-?”</p>
<p>He was ruthlessly cut off by a burst of slick Mal hadn’t felt coming until it was gone, clear bursts of mushroom juice catching Jay under his jaw and across his lips and onto his chest and-</p>
<p>“O-<em>Oh</em>,” Mal gasped, her hips shifting as much as they were able under the heavy load. “You- I think it will let you-”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jay said, wiping some of the slick off his face as he pet the stalk that seemed slightly smaller than before.  It wasn’t much, but it was something.  “Let’s get to the shower.”</p>
<p>“Good plan,” Mal hummed, and between the two of them they awkwardly made it to the shower, stripping off their clothes as they went.</p>
<p>“<em>Guys</em>,” Chad moaned, a furious blush spread across his cheeks as he sprawled against the edge of the tub.</p>
<p>“Sorry, sweetheart,” Mal said, knowing that the bounty of bubbles splayed across the surface of the water were hiding at least one of Chad’s releases. “Sort of had a thing happen.”</p>
<p>“Aw man,” he gasped, staring at the engorged mushroom. “Are… does he have to-”</p>
<p>“It’s um- gonna be a long afternoon,” Jay said, somewhat apologetically.</p>
<p>Chad let out a small whimper.  Mal related to it desperately.</p>
<p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p>
<p>As punishment, it took who knew how many orgasms before the mushroom was satisfied to return to an acceptable length.  Chad had stopped crooning halfway through the effort, surrendering himself to weak pants as he shifted restlessly within the confines of the tub. </p>
<p>In the end, Mal found herself in Jay’s lap much like she’d been in Ben’s earlier, the Agraben working her over until at last the mushroom was small enough to fit comfortably behind the cup.</p>
<p>“Oh- <em>ah</em>- there, Jay,” Mal panted, leaning back against his chest. “T-That’s good.”</p>
<p>“No,” Jay said, his tone firm. “If Ben can do it-”</p>
<p>“Jay,” Mal sighed, entirely exhausted from the afternoon, literally <em>doused</em> in mushroom slick and so overcome with stimulus that she wanted to numb out but couldn’t because Wonderland Mushroom were vindictive bastards. </p>
<p>“<em>No</em>,” Jay repeated. “I also think you’re pretty and there’s nothing wrong with you and I’ve known and worked for you longer so there’s <em>no reason</em> I can’t make you feel good too.  There’s no reason I can’t make mushroom hide away again so you feel happier.”</p>
<p>“Emotions are overrated,” Mal gasped as she felt herself continue to pulse and shrink within Jay’s hand.</p>
<p>“On the Isle, sure,” Jay said. “But we’re in Auradon, and even if we’re garbage, we deserve to have some nice things.  Like emotions.” He kept working her over, and Mal was so adjusted to it all that she hadn’t recognized that the mushroom was receding until she finally felt Jay’s fingers slide into her, just like before. </p>
<p>She gasped, because even though she almost found herself constantly full of mushroom nowadays, the plant – no matter how magical it was – was no match for Jay’s fingers.</p>
<p>He buried them deep, intent to ensure the mushroom was back to where Ben had left it before he pulled his hand out of her with a sigh.</p>
<p>“So,” he breathed, looking over at Chad’s spent visage. “Shower and nap?”</p>
<p>“Yes fucking please,” Mal said, not bothering to move.  She knew Jay would take care of things.  He’d already proven capable of taking care of his messes, and hell, he actually <em>did</em> feel bad about all this.</p>
<p>It wasn’t something Mal had expected, they didn’t really do guilt for each other, there was nothing useful for it.  Yeah, sometimes Jay got hurt carrying out Mal’s orders, but that was the way of the Isle.  The world was cruel, you had to learn to deal with it.</p>
<p>She wasn’t sure when that had changed, but she suspected it was sometime after they’d gotten to Auradon.</p>
<p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p>
<p>Ben invited Jay and Chad to their next date. </p>
<p>Mal wasn’t sure why.  Jay and Chad also weren’t sure why, which left the three of them standing awkwardly in a forest meadow somewhere on the Auradon Castle grounds because Ben wanted to ensure they’d have privacy. </p>
<p>“Um.” Jay murmured when it looked like Chad wouldn’t be able to bear the suspense any longer, except instead of just asking like a normal human, the blond would have resigned himself to his confused misery. “Why are we here?”</p>
<p>“Simple!” Ben chirped, holding up a picnic basket because he was determined to have a redo of their last meeting, sans magic water. “I thought we could double date!”</p>
<p>The words seemed to immediately melt Chad’s brains.</p>
<p>“I, <em>no</em>,” Chad said, flustered and panicked and everything Mal hated seeing on him. “No, I- I can’t date Jay.  I’m not allowed to- I mean- I’m not gay, so I can’t-”</p>
<p>“Chad,” Mal interrupted, bracing a hand on his shoulder and frowning when he flinched away. “Breathe.”</p>
<p>“I <em>can’t</em>,” he cried, a certain wetness building behind his eyes. “My grandfather would kill me.  He said I’m useless but if I was ever <em>that</em> useless he’d disown me and make me a servant like my mom was and I don’t- I can’t- <em>please</em>-”</p>
<p>“Fucking <em>no one’s</em> being disowned,” Mal snapped, dragging him into a hug that he gratefully melted into. “And it doesn’t fucking matter if you’re gay or not.”</p>
<p>Chad inhaled sharply. “But-”</p>
<p>“Mal’s right,” Ben said, his tone firm as he dragged Jay forward so that they… oh, Mal guessed they were all just hugging now.  It was a group hug. “Your grandfather doesn’t have the right to say that stuff to you.”</p>
<p>“But he does,” Mal growled. “All the time.  He says all this dipshit stuff that makes Chad sad, but we can’t fucking do anything about it because he used to be a king.”</p>
<p>“Au contraire,” Ben hummed. “<em>You </em>can’t do anything about it.  My parents can do plenty.”</p>
<p>“Why would they believe us?” Mal pressed. “Why would they believe Chad?  The old fuck’s been bullying him for years.”</p>
<p>Ben took a moment to think this over.</p>
<p>“Because I asked them to,” he settled on. “And sometimes that’s enough.”</p>
<p>Maybe in Auradon, but Chad- he looked so tired, like he wanted to be hopeful but was too scared to commit to it, like he’d been burned too many times.</p>
<p>“Come on,” Ben said. “We can have this back at the castle, I wanna talk to my parents ASAP.”</p>
<p>“They won’t do anything,” Mal said, mostly to keep their expectations manageable.  That was her job as leader.</p>
<p>Ben hummed. “We’ll see.”</p>
<p>-:-:-:-:-:-</p>
<p>It turned out Chad’s grandfather had been an asshole to a lot of other people too, turned out he was the kind of asshole that cut corners and broke laws to get what he wanted because it didn’t take long for the old man to be arrested – the four of them watching the news unfold in Ben’s private sitting room, Chad cradled between them.</p>
<p>“He’s gone,” Ben said, sure to meet Chad’s gaze so the point was driven home. “He can’t hurt you anymore.  You can be whatever you want to be.”</p>
<p>“S-So I can talk to people?” Chad asked. “I’m not too annoying?  Or a burden?”</p>
<p>“Fuck no, you’re not,” Mal hissed, dragging him into a hug. “You’re sweet and helpful and Chad, and if anyone else gives you trouble, tell me, and I’ll punch them in the damn face.”</p>
<p>“Or better yet, tell Ben,” Jay said. “And he can find an Auradon way to deal with them.”</p>
<p>“Okay, fine,” Mal huffed. “We can do that.”</p>
<p>“Oh wow,” Chad said, tearing up. “I can- I can have friends and I don’t have to worry about being disowned-”</p>
<p>“And you can date who you want,” Ben reminded him. “I’m sorry for making assumptions earlier, but um… do you wanna date Jay?”</p>
<p>“Jay isn’t yours to give, <em>Ben</em>,” Mal snapped, her hackles immediately raised.</p>
<p>“Chill, M, I’ll always belong to you,” Jay said, easing Mal’s frustration somewhat.</p>
<p>“Right, of course,” Ben said, flushing. “Sorry.  I meant do the three of you want to date me?”</p>
<p>Mal froze.  She was pretty sure Jay and Chad froze as well.</p>
<p>“What?” Mal asked, since she was the leader. “I thought only two people dated here.  Weren’t those your arbitrary rules?”</p>
<p>“Well…” Ben’s flush darkened. “Like you said, they’re arbitrary.  And um… what good is being the future leader of Auradon if I can’t abuse my position and date the people I want to date?”</p>
<p>“But why do you want to date us?” Mal pressed. “I’m a fucking asshole.  I have never hidden that fact.”</p>
<p>“You’re also super protective of your friends,” Ben said.  “Yes, you’re rough around the edges, but I’m pretty sure that’s because you had to be.  So you scowl and snap at people, but you make sure your friends are taken care of and after the field trip you made sure Chad was taken care of and you’re upset when the people you care about hurt and you’re brave as hell because you came to this place that is unlike anything you’ve ever known and haven’t so much batted a lash.”</p>
<p>“Mal,” Jay said, his voice soft. “You’re nice, Mal.  And I know you don’t want to acknowledge that because kindness is a death sentence on the Isle, but we’re not <em>on</em> the Isle.  We’re in Auradon, and if- if I wanna hold your hand or say you look pretty or get your strawberries for no reason other than to make you smile, then I <em>want</em> to do that, because I like it when you’re happy.  And I like it not because you’re my boss, but because you’re Mal – you’re strong and fierce and you’ve always taken care of us, even when it was really, really hard, so just-” He looked at her, his expression full of hope. “Could I just love you, please?  Because I really want to love you.  I wanna love you and know I don’t have to worry about it getting used against me.  I want… I want to be <em>good</em>,” he said, the words striking Mal’s core. “I don’t want to be an asshole like my dad, like those guys back on the Isle.  I wanna cuddle Chad and rub Evie’s feet and make sure Carlos gets enough sleep.  I wanna play Tourney and just… be a kid.”</p>
<p>Mal stared at him, stared at Jay, who had been her lackey for the longest.  Stared at the boy with blood covered knuckles and a crooked smile, who she’d patched up more than once because he couldn’t help but mouth off to his father.  She stared at Jay, who she’d given her body to, who’d received his in turn because she trusted him and knew he wouldn’t let her down. </p>
<p>She thought about all the things she said, about the wonderful fairytales that seemed unattainable, and realized maybe her dreams had never rested with Fairy Godmother’s wand and a fallen barrier. </p>
<p>They were with Jay and Carlos and Evie – all of them happy and safe and unhurt, all of them thriving and appreciated the way they should be.</p>
<p>Somewhere along the way, that moved to include Chad.  Maybe someday, it could also include Ben.  Mal didn’t know.</p>
<p>But she did know this.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Mal said, smiling as fresh tears poured down her cheeks. “Okay, let’s do that.  Let’s- I love you,” she said, laughing at the ease of it, the words she’d been swallowing down for years, thinking she was incapable.  “I love you so fucking much, even if you’re kind of dumb sometimes.  And I- I wanna do that too, and I wanna dote on you for no reason other than your happiness and-” She turned to Chad, grabbing his hand so she could press a kiss to his knuckles. “I know we’re kind of messes-”</p>
<p>“I want in too, please,” Chad said the words in a rush, but he seemed to be crying. “<em>Please</em>, I’ll be good.  I- you guys are so amazing-”</p>
<p>“We’re just the first people who treated you decently,” Mal sniffed. “We’re not that great.”</p>
<p>“No,” Ben countered, wrapping an arm around her waist as he gave them a brilliant smile. “You most definitely are.  Don’t sell yourself short.”</p>
<p>“What Mal meant to say is that you’re also amazing,” Jay said, throwing himself headfirst into that nice shit. “And you’re stuck with us, so sorry, but if you ever wanted to leave, we would not hold you back.”</p>
<p>“Ben,” Mal said, wiping away her tears while Jay pulled Chad into a tight hug. “If you want in on this, you’re gonna have to invite Evie and Carlos too.”</p>
<p>Ben just smiled at her, a look so big and bright it couldn’t possibly be faked. “I wouldn’t expect it any other way.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that was all she wrote ^_^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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